The sun is shining today!!! Yeah, I’m a little bit excited, but then again, it’s been raining like monsoon season and we are overrun with mud!! But then again, we are usually overrun with mud.
Anyway, the dogs around here are laying around like bumps on logs, snorting and snoring, coughing and growling. They are basically the sound effects for a low budget horror movie! One of the horror movies where the dumb blond opens the door to see what the horrible sounds on the other side is. Yup, it’s that bad!!
While the dogs wile away their time dreaming of pork bones and chicken strips, the cats are deep in sleep after having done their best to destroy the house. Running and sliding they have had the time of their lives. It doesn't bother us much until they begin the Feline Olympics.
What, you ask, are the Feline Olympics? Well, if any of you own more than one cat you probably have a pretty good idea. It’s where the cats decide, usually at two or three in the morning, that they just HAVE to see how fast they can make the circuit around the house. It doesn't matter if there are inanimate or animate objects in the way, they simply MUST run around the house like someone has set their tails on fire.
The main event of Feline Olympics usually involves two or more evil minded cats that honestly believe they can climb the walls!! Yup, that is the Imaginary Red Dot event! What happens in one of the fur covered demons starts staring on a particular point on the wall, usually this point is at least four feet above their head. The other hideous creatures will stop whatever mischief they are involved in the very second they realize their brethren has seen something interesting.
Once the offending feline has the attention of his cohorts, he will leap into the air, executing a perfect back flip and proceed to act as though he has caught the great invisible dot!! As soon as his little pointy nails hit the floor, he will begin the ritual “try to catch the dot” dance that is genetically handed down from mother to kit. Back and forth his paws will go as he zigs left and zags right, tapping and swatting the floor with every movement.
His furry followers will mimic his actions, jerking and swatting, bouncing and twisting, as though there were a thousand red dots dancing across the surface of the floor. Once he has them fully engaged, he will stop his silliness and launch himself to the highest surface he can reach. There he will sit, wide eyed and innocent, as his fellows swat and jerk, twitch and writhe as though they were being electrocuted.
When it finally dawns on them that the instigator of the entire mess is no longer participating their action will recede to an occasional swat at something no human can see. Then the Olympic part of the event actually begins.
In a flash the high mounted feline will launch himself from his perch and scramble and slide across the floor, finally finding his footing to run into the other room, over top of this fellow kittens, the couch, you….whatever stands in his way. He will circle like a Nascar driver, up on the side of the wall in a tight curve only to shoot off in the opposite direction at a speed unreachable by man made machinery.
Of course this sets off a chemical response in the feet of any other feline within sight. They will jump and leap, scramble and slide, before finally reaching a level footing to speed off after the “lead car” in our official Nascat race! Around the doorway they go,sliding and crashing into the opposite wall, their feet digging for purchase on the linoleum floor. Off into the straight, yellow cat with short tail in the lead when from behind comes big, fat grey cat who stomps over top of short tail leaving him a gasping heap in the middle of the hall.
Around the bend they come, fat grey cat misjudges the curve and slams into the coffee table leg then struggles to his feet. While he is getting his balance, the long tail yellow cat comes out of no where, leaps onto the couch, over the dog, across the back and is on his way around the next curve by the time the old dog raises her head to snap at the now absent feline.
Fat grey cat, being the cheat that he is, rushes down the hallway, slams into long tail yellow cat and the fur begins to fly. The ensuing racket awakens the canine hoard who leap to their feet and rush in from all directions. Barks, growls, screams and yowls ensue until, finally, the long tail yellow cat escapes his tormentor only to pounce on his short tailed brother who had been watching the attempted murder with an insane gleam in his yellow eyes.
More screams, more yowls, more barks until finally the human has had enough!!! Grabbing a rolled up newspaper and a spray bottle of water the human wages war on the feline hoard. A few canines are injured (yeah right, newspaper and water) in the ensuing battle, but they survive to limp back to their respective sleeping spots as the feline dart and scramble for cover.
At last, silence, aww sweet silence. Which last for approximately twenty seconds before round two of the Feline Olympics, shred the newspaper, begins!!
So much for sleep!!
Stumbling to the kitchen I make a cup of coffee and stand there, bleary eyed and tired, as the offending felines turn their unblinking eyes toward me. Having achieved their goal of getting me out of bed, they amble off, each one in search of a perch for their day long cat nap.
The canines, realizing that the coast is clear and no claws are around, rush into the kitchen, yipping and prancing in the morning, “Oh my God you’re awake, I gotta pee, Can I go out, Oh My God You’re awake” ritual. I slowly walk to the door and throw it open, hoping this morning will be a quick, gotta pee now and not sniff everything in sight morning……I was sadly mistaken. Twenty minutes later the canines are back in the house, warm and snug in their beds, sound asleep and dreaming of chicken strips and pork bones.
A tapping at the back door informs me that my animal encounter has only begun. Two bushy tailed intruders are demanding their corn, tapping at the door and staring in like stalkers trying to catch a glimpse. It’s feeding time, birds, squirrels and outdoor cats are demanding my attention, as long as my attention includes having something for them to eat!
My coffee grows cold as I attend to the needs of the various and sunder creatures who think they own me!
And thus starts my Monday!!
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