Birds, squirrels and sunrise

It's another cold rainy day in good ole WV.  Still no snow in sight, although I'm not sure that's a bad thing......well, other than the mud that is.

Anyway, I've been up for hours and hours, literally.  For some reason these stupid birds seem to think that it's time to SCREAM, yeah, scream  NOT sing, at the exact moment the sun rises on the Atlantic Ocean!!  It can be dark as the grave and they start with their morning ritual of noise.

I've always thought that birds sang, tweeted, whistled, whatever.  I thought only large, condor types screeched, well them  and owls.  But no, I was sadly mistaken.

You see, J has six "cute" little birds.  Three lovebirds, which AREN'T lovable, and three cockatiels, who are also NOT lovable.  And very rarely do any of them actually sing!!  Usually the sounds that issue from their mouths are a mixture of screeches, screams, loud hateful whistles and, rarely, a song that they repeat incessantly!

If you remember the movie One Million Years B.C. with Raquel Welch, well imagine the sound that the pterodactyl makes as she dives down to snatch Raquel and flies off to feed her to the chicks. Yeah, that sound it what usually wakes me up!

For some reason these birds seem to think they are some prehistoric dinosaur/flying lizard things that have to screech and scream the sun up!  It's God-awful!

And, if the screeching wasn't bad enough, when they DO actually sing it's the same song, which is a mix-up of the Mayberry theme and Jingle Bells, over and over and over and......well, you get the idea!  It's enough to make a normal person insane and, as we all know, I am far from normal!!

As if the inside birds weren't bad enough, the outside ones are just damn rude!  We feed them on the back deck, every single day I put out seed for the birds and corn for the squirrels.  Even in the summer we do this, although the damn things could find their own food.  Anyway, we feed them.

If I'm not up and have birdseed out at the correct time the damn birds fly around front and eat the outside cat's food.  We have the fattest birds ever, also the laziest cat seeing as how she will lay on the bench and watch the birds eat her food, never attempting to catch one of them.  Then when they have emptied her bowl she will scream at me to fill it because she's starving, don't ya know.  Yup, let the birds (cat food on the hoof) eat her food (lazy cat food off the hoof) and then scream because she can see the bottom of the bowl!!  Why she doesn't eat the damn birds I'll never know, but that's the way it is.

Anyway, the birds fly around front and then, once they have had their cat food appetizer, they come back to the deck and peck on the window!  Yup, the little assholes will KNOCK if I forget to feed them!!

But, they are not the only ones that will knock on the back door.  Oh no, they learned that particular skill from the fat, spoiled rotten squirrels (think the size of a small dog) that live and breed behind the house.  Yup, the rotten little bastards will sit on their asses and knock on the door while looking for me if they don't have a ready source of corn outside.  The worst part is that J won't allow me to shoot and eat the little fat bastards!!  (I firmly believe that if we fatten them up the least they can do is sacrifice a couple of their brethren to my frying pan!!)

The point I'm trying to make is that I can't sleep in.  NOT AT ALL!!  NEVER!!

Between pterodactyl sounding inside birds, cat food stealing outside birds, fat, lazy, starving outside cats, and fat-ass squirrels knocking on the back window, sleep is a distant memory!!

Maybe if the squirrels get big enough they will start eating the birds that eat the cat food that makes the cat scream!!  Then I will only have to worry about getting in a head shot before the fat bastards come for me!!