Until Death…..

When last we saw our Pretty Little Ghoul she was at the mercy of Lucifer, aka Mr. Tall Dark and Tattooed.  He was promising her an evening she wouldn’t soon forget…….

“Oh really?” Lisa asked. “If I’m not mistaken, you are Lucifer, the big bad, the one and only great evil. What could you possibly want with me? I’m just a little ghoul looking for a job. You could have any one you want, so I doubt you are interested in me.”

Lucifer shook his head. He was amazed that this darling little ghoul didn’t realize just how special she was. Maybe no one told her, hmmmm, that was an interesting thought.
“You act as though you didn’t just want to, what was the word, oh yeah, ‘bone’ me. And you are correct, this carpet is hideous.” With a wave of his hand the horrible shag carpet disappeared and luxurious angora carpet appeared. It was so gorgeous that Lisa just wanted to curl her bear toes into the ply.

“Go ahead, I’m sure it is as soft as it is beautiful.” The deep, sexy voice said. “I thought you might like this carpet better, we’ll work on the décor later.”

Lisa’s head snapped up. She glared at Lucifer through squinted eyes.

“What do you mean ‘we’ll work on the décor later’? What difference does the décor make to me? It’s not nor will it ever be, my office.” With that she stood to make an angry exit.

Too bad it didn’t work that way.

As I said, she stood to make an angry exit, the only problem was once she stood she was no longer in the depressing office. Stunned she simply stared at the scenery surrounding her.

Tall coconut trees leaned over the bluest water she had ever seen. Of course, the fact that she had lived in Toledo the entire time she was alive, the only large body of water she ever saw was Lake Erie. And blue is NOT a color associated with Erie, brown yes, blue, nope.

Taking a shallow breath, which of course was entirely unnecessary seeing as how she was dead and all, the scent of Jasmine and salt air filled her senses. The sun felt warm and seemed to caress her skin, which was not necessarily a good thing. Dead things don’t usually do not look good in the bright sunlight, no do the last too long either.

“Do you like?” A sinfully sexy voice caressed her ears like the sun caressed her skin. “I wanted to bring you somewhere you would like.”

Turning slowly, Lisa’s eyes fell upon the most beautiful sight to be seen. Leaning against the rough bark of a leaning palm tree stood the dark skinned, tattooed man. The lack of a shirt showed off a six pack that rippled as he spoke, and it emphasized the fact that the loud, colorful shorts he wore were low slung and, in a strange way, sexy as hell. Of course, dusting of dark hair on the lower two of his six pack and trailed downward didn’t hurt.

“Well, what do you think?” His sinful voice washed over her like warm oil. “I thought might you enjoy sunshine and blue water for a change.”

“I do not ‘like’!” Lisa struggled to stand, only to realize that instead of sand under her feet it was the ratty old carpet in the office of the stange Ms. Poorbitch. “Enough with the mind games. I’m not here for that, I’m here to see if she wants to interview me on television!”

Laughter bubbled as the trees and ocean faded from view, Lucy was still leaning against the desk, his legs crossed and his posture relaxed.

“She was never going to interview you on television. She doesn’t do much of anything these days except swell up and then fart for hours until she is small enough to get through the door.” Lucy smiled a cold, evil smile, “In other words I’m telling you that Ms. Poorbitch is full of shit and you should be talking to me about anything you think matters. Not to mention that she’s unavailable at the moment.”

Lisa glanced at the desk where Ms. Poorbitch had been sitting. An empty chair, slightly damp and stained yellow, faced her. Nowhere in sight was the bloated woman who had so recently spoken to her.

“Where did she go? She was just here, I just spoke to her.” Lisa couldn’t hide the confusion in her voice, “Did you do something to her?”

Lucy just grinned, glanced at his watch and promptly excused himself.

Lisa was left alone in space that resembled a cavern more than an office. Running to the door, she grabbed the handle and promptly screamed. The handle steamed and sizzled with small pieces of her flesh. The scent of grilled bacon filled the air, which confused her beyond measure. Having been dead, well in close proximity to being dead, for several years now, she knew that her flesh, even roasted on a hot door knob, should NOT smell like bacon.

Looking at her palm, expecting to see curled skin and blackened flesh, she was amazed to see a perfectly smooth, pink palm. PINK. She hadn’t seen pink skin on her own body in years. What the hell was going on??

The next thought that slammed through her stunned brain was that her ass hurt. She had dropped to the floor like a ton of bricks when she discovered the bacon smell hadn’t come from her. Landing harder than she should have, her round ass bounced a bit before settling on the stained carpet.

‘My palm is pink, my ass hurts and I suddenly want a BLT! What the fuck is happening?? I don’t eat bacon. Not since I died.’ Suddenly Lisa sobered. Yeah, she had bit the big one, cashed in her chips, bought the farm, croaked!! She hadn’t, however, taken a dirt nap nor had she counted worms.

Being a reanimated dead girl sucked, not as much as being an unanimated dead girl, but still there were times when things were just not good. Like today, when her nose fell off! Yup, it landed on the floor with a sickening splat. Definitely not good.

But now not only was her nose hanging exactly where it was supposed to be, but her palms were pink. (yes, both of the, she had looked!) Maybe she wasn’t exactly a dead girl anymore, maybe that was what Death had wanted to talk to her about.

It was his fault after all!! Who knew that Death had a side job driving a cab?? It was bad enough he drove a limo, but a cab? That was just undignified. And he had to look so damn good in those tight Levi’s he insisted on wearing when he was ‘off duty’.

She had spotted him walking down 8^th Avenue. Black silk shirt clinging to his broad shoulders, his nice round ass encased in Levi stone washed denim. Oh my, he was a sight. She, being twenty three and horny as a cat in heat, followed at a discreet distance thinking she might ‘accidently’ bump into him to make an opportunity to introduce herself.

But Death, being the devious shit that he is, darted across the street, weaving through traffic with an unnatural ease. And she, being totally enthralled with his gorgeous ass, followed him………

And was promptly smacked by a bus heading downtown at break neck speed.

She didn’t remember much after that, at least until she woke up in Mama Fred’s smoky, candle lit palor. Things had gone downhill from there.

Until now!! Hmmmm…..maybe something happened that reversed the whole being dead/not-so-dead thing. That would be nice. Then she could……

Her pornographic thought train was stopped before it left the station. The door burst open and in waddled the most disgusting, stinking sack of flesh she had ever laid eyes on. Apparently no one told Ms. Poorbitch that it was rude to ferment in polite society.

“Why the fuck are you sitting there? Don’t you have work to do?” The voice that escaped the bloated, yellow lips sounded as though it had battled its way from the depths of hell.

Apparently she was now More E. Poorbitch’s bitch.

Shit, this day was just getting better and better…..

What will happen to our little dead Ghoul?  Will she be doomed to serve this fat slug otherwise known as More E. Poorbitch??  What is in store for The Nearly Dead?

Stay tuned for the next episode.....