Brown eyed Ghoul…..

When we left our little brown eyed ghoul, she was sitting in the office of the very famous More E. Poorbitch, Queen of talk show host, DNA Diva, Adultery Analyst.  Poor little Lisa was confused and more than a little frightened, Ms.Poorbitch was bloated and retaining fluid (nope, it isn't water).

So let’s check in with the Not Quite Dead bunch!!

Part three

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Brown eyed Ghoul

“You want me to take your place?? What the hell? I thought I was here to do an interview about Civil Rights for the Nearly Departed!” Lisa’s voice had reached decimals audible only to canines and a rare breed of Yeti Zombie living in Alaska. Unfortunately, Ms. Poorbitch was none of the above.

“What? I can’t hear you. Stop moving your lips and start moving your vocal cords!” Ms. Poorbitch was not known for her patience. “I’m offering you a job, a job that will make you millions of dollars, and you’re worried about an interview?”

Lisa’s eyes began to bulge as she stared at the spandex encased slug sitting before her. She didn't want a job, well, she did, but that was NOT what she came here for.

Taking a deep breath, she silently chanted a mantra for peace and began again.

“Ms. Poorbitch”, she began.

“It’s More, please. No one that works for me calls me Ms. Poorbitch”, the dry, raspy voice said. “And you are working for me, even if you don’t realize it. Luce wouldn't have let you in if you were the one.”

A sound like dried finger bones rattling together crawled down Lisa’s spine. It took a second to realize that it was laughter. The fat slug was actually laughing at her.

“I am NOT working for you. I came for an interview and if you aren't planning on doing that then I am leaving!” Lisa attempted to stand up and storm out, only to find that she was firmly planted in the downy softness of the chair.

More watched as the young ghoul struggled for a few moments. It amazed her how few of the Nearly Departed knew the rules. That was the biggest reason they didn't last more than a year or two. The young ones usually lost their heads doing something stupid. That was the only way to turn a Nearly Departed into a Truly Departed, cut off the head, or yank it off, or smash it, or shatter it.

Hopefully this sexy little ghoul wasn't going to lose her head anytime soon.

“Calm down.” The sensual voice that had greeted her at the door whispered softly. “You’ll only hurt yourself if you continue to struggle, and believe me, you don’t want to hurt yourself. Momma Fred can’t come here, and those sandwiches that More E. offered you would only make it worse.”

Lisa instantly stilled. Something about that voice, something about that drop dead gorgeous man downstairs. If she had to eat something she wanted it to be him.

Shaking that thought from her mind, she took one last breathe and turned to face More E. Poorbitch.

“Why do you do that?” More E. asked. “You don’t have to breathe you know. You’re, for all points and purposes, dead and the dead don’t breathe.”

Taking another breathe just to piss off the fat grub, Lisa closed her eyes and relaxed. Opening them slowly she thought about the nose incident earlier today and how Momma Fred had given her that glorious mystery meat sandwich. Momma Fred looked out for her, she may even love her a little bit.

This fat bitch, however, was looking to take advantage of her, and that pissed Lisa off like nothing else.
“It seems that you need me.” Lisa laughed. “But I do NOT need you. So if you want me to do something for you there are questions that need to be answered.”

More E. puffed up even larger. She was twice the size of old Jabba who ran the frog bodega on Tenth Ave.

“Well?” Lisa smiled, “Are you ready to answer my questions?”

More E. sat stiff and as erect as Jabba ever had, staring off into the distance she looked as though she were listening to something only she could hear.

“Yeah, I’ll answer your questions.” More E. finally said. “Get to it, I don’t have all day you know.”
Lisa didn't waste a second.

“How did you become, well, whatever it is you are?” She asked, looking straight at the blimp that called itself More E. “Is it true that you sold your soul?

More E. threw back her head and laughed like a hyena, a dying hyena, but a hyena never the less. Shaking her head, she reached out and grabbed herself a finger sandwich, heavy on the yellow calluses, and popped it in her mouth.

Swallowing once, she flashed what passed as a smile and pushed a button on the top of her desk.
With a thunderous roar, the dark, tattooed man from downstairs appeared. Reaching out a large hand, he grabbed the back of More E.’s head and shook her like a dog with a rat.

“Answer her.” His velvet smooth voice roared. “NOW!”

Nasty green welts appeared on More E.’s face. Purple gas began to leak from the welts, filling the room with a stench that made Lisa gag. It takes a lot to make a ghoul, even one who hates to eat meat, gag. Ghouls have little to no sense of smell, so an odor so noxious that it would affect a ghoul, well, it would have killed her if she weren't already dead.

More E. began to babble, something about making a deal with the current Devil and not bothering to read the bottom line. Then getting hit by a falling casaba melon, which apparently has the consistency of cement when dropped from a tenth floor window. On an on she squeaked and squealed. Dying and having some parasite slipped into her, and ewwww, don’t ask where they slipped it.

Lisa listened with half an ear, so to speak. With Ghouls and Zombies half an ear is a possibility, but Momma Fred had fixed Lisa up so that there were no parts missing or half there. Yay Momma Fred!! Anyway, Lisa was more intent on Mr. Tall Dark and Tattooed and what she would like to do to him right now, right here!

Yup, little Ghoul girl wanted to bone Mr. Tattoo right there on the black shag carpet. (Shag OMG, how could she not have noticed it was shag!!) Lisa was so deep in fantasy land that she didn't notice More E. had stopped rambling on and was staring at her with a look that would curdle blood, IF Lisa had any blood.

Mr. Tattoo glanced at More E. and then took a good long look at Lisa. Throwing out his hand he stopped time for every creature in creation, every creature with the exception of himself and the cute little Ghoul with the upturned nose.
 
What is next for our little Ghoul?  Will she get to live out the fantasies she so recently submerged herself in?  Or will More E. enslave her with a finger sandwich?  And who is Mr. Tall Dark and Tattooed?
Next installment to come soon!!