Oranges and raw meat

 
While Lucifer and Titus drank themselves into a stupor, More E. Poorbitch struggled with a quandary of her own. Her very existence depended on being of use to the black heart creatures that owned her soul. She should have listened to her Momma, that old bitch was one of the most intelligent people More had ever met. Momma always said to nothing in this world was free that everything had a price, and she said always read the fine print, no matter what, read the fine print, if it’s too good to be true it probably isn’t.

More regretted not listening. It was in the fine print of her ‘contract’ with Satan that she would live forever, of course it didn’t say what condition she would be in or whether or not she would live in this plane, just that she would live forever. If she had read the fine print, like Momma said you always should, she would have realized that when Satan says you will live forever it usually means you will live as a slug in the garden of Hell.

That’s what she was, a slug, a fat, ugly, slug.

But if she could find that bitch Lisa and turn her over to Satan, maybe she could live as something other than a slimy, fat, white blob. The only problem was that no one could find Lisa. Lucifer had all of his minions out looking for the little ghoul, and Satan had called out the big dogs, literal hell dogs that could find anything. But none of them could find that little bitch. Death had her in his clutches and was hiding her with all the powers of his office.

Death was difficult to deal with and impossible to fool. Satan had his work cut out for him.
Too bad Lucifer was such a shit since his daddy had gotten her soul. It was basically her lust for his son that made her Satan’s little slug. Lucifer was tall, dark and handsome as well as deranged and cruel. She hadn’t known the deranged part when she began to pursue him, she only knew the handsome and sexy as hell part. Unfortunately she ended up as Hell’s slug before she could see just how sexy.

Oh well, it is what it is. She just needed a hint as to where that stupid bitch was hiding. Maybe that freaky fuck Fred had some idea, but it didn’t seem likely. Lucifer and her were locked up in his office for hours on end yesterday and still no word on the whereabouts of Lisa.

There had to be someone that knew Death intimately. HE was a good looking enough little dude, and he’d been alive, if that was what you call it, for centuries, so he had to have some relationship with some woman…..or man….or goat, whatever. The problem was to find that someone or thing.
More E. had always been good at problem solving, at least if it was someone else’s problem and not her own. She was about to put that particular talent to work, and in the process she could solve her own dilemma as well.

While More E. Poorbitch pondered the how and where of little Lisa and Death’s location, Lisa was enjoying the sunshine for the very first time in years. Laying on a lounger on the patio of Death’s beautiful mansion, Lisa stretched, closed her eyes and enjoyed the feeling of warm sunlight on smooth skin.

For the last forty years she had missed the warmth of sunlight. Dead tissue and warm sunlight was never a good mixture, no matter how much living tissue one imbibed, sunlight would make dead things bloat, and bloating was never her favorite thing to do. Not to mention the exploding thing, that was just gross.

But now, with her pulse and pink skin, well she could soak up rays to her heart’s content! Or until Mitch, the spoilsport, made her go back inside. She was tired of being trapped in the cavernous mansion with no television, no computer and no visitors allowed. It seemed as though being Death for years had prevented Mitch from knowing how to relax. Or have fun. He’d actually yelled at her when he caught her humming and dancing around the marble foyer. Death was, by all accounts, a real downer.

He’d left a few hours earlier to ‘fulfill his office’ as he liked to call it. In other words he was either luring some poor soul to their untimely end or collecting those who had passed in his absence. Either way, there would be souls passing form this realm to whatever lay on the other side. She had never seen the ‘other side’, so she had no idea what that meant, she had never experienced the ‘eternal rest’ that was promised to humans when the last breath left their bodies. She was returned to a semblance of life by dark magic, magic that even now searched for her.

The thought that someone, something, was searching for her was enough to darken her bright mood. Suddenly the sun didn’t feel quite so warm and the wavering trees in the distance took on a menacing aspect. Here she was, enjoying herself as though it was simply another warm summer’s day when in reality today could be the last day of her oh so brief new life.

Wrapping her arms around herself, she stood for a moment squinting against the bright sunlight in search of anyone, anything that might be out there. Death had promised her that no one could find her here, he had told her that ‘here’ didn’t actually exist to the outside world and that no one other than himself and those he chose to help could come and go from this place.

She wasn’t so sure.

Turning from her search of the trees, she shuddered and quickly entered the huge mansion that was her new home. Walking to the kitchen she was once again stunned by the fact that she could eat anything she wanted now, not just raw and sometimes squirming meat. A smile blossomed on her face as she picked up a ripe orange and began to peel it, regardless if this was the last day of her new life, she was going to enjoy it to the fullest.