Memories and blood

“What. The. Fuck. Do. You. Mean. You have no idea?” Lucifer’s tone would have stopped Titus’ heart if the shriveled thing still beat. As it was, Titus just winced at the volume and menacing quality of the sometimes but not all the time Demon’s voice. He knew it would blow over and everything would get back on track.

Or else it wouldn’t.

Either way, Titus didn’t much give a shit. Having toiled in the service of Lucifer and his father Satan for the last two thousand years hadn’t been much fun, so if either (or both) of them decided it was time to end his existence, then so be it. Actually he hoped one or the other of them would end his existence, he was tired of being the target for all the father-son angst that had been boiling for the last three hundred years.

“I mean I haven’t found them. No one has seen or heard from either of them, the Hellhounds can’t pick up a scent and the Seer is about as useless as Medusa’s tits.” Titus deadpanned his answer, knowing it didn’t matter what he said, nothing would sooth Lucifer’s anger. It didn’t help that both of them were hung over from the massive about of drinking they had done the day before. You’d think being dead, or undead or whatever, would protect one from suffering from a hangover, but NOOOOO, Satan, being the massive bastard that he is, made sure there was a loophole in that particular set of rules.

Surprisingly Lucifer burst out laughing. NOT what Titus expected.

“Medusa’s tits!” Lucifer gasped then roared with laughter once again.

Titus stood by, perplexed and more than a little worried. Had Lucifer finally cracked up? Had the stress of being the second most evil creature in all of creation finally gotten to him? Or was he still drunk from last night?

One could hope. Although an insane Lucifer could possibility be worse than a slightly less insane Lucifer (which was what he had to deal with now).

“Sit down, sit down.” Lucifer had finally gotten his mirth under control enough to speak. “I’m sorry I’ve been such a prick, it’s just this whole thing with that fucker Death is really, really getting to me!”
Titus sat wide-eyed and gaping. Never in all his time in Hell nor with Lucifer on the Earth had he EVER heard the evil one apologize. He was sure that his time was at an end, that was the only explanation for the son of Satan’s laughter and apology.

“Shut your mouth, you look like you’re about to vomit or something.” Lucifer smiled, which, in Titus’ opinion was worse than Lucifer yelling. “Which, after the amount of whiskey we drank, is a very real possibility. Anyway, you just caught me off guard with that whole Medusa’s tits thing. Now that was funny!”

A slightly more insane giggle followed. Titus felt himself tighten up, sure that a killing blow would be next.

He was surprised when Lucifer rocked back in his big leather chair and, crossing his legs, put his feet on the desk and began to talk to him as though they were best of friends. Could this day get any more bizarre?

“I knew Medusa, you know. Before the whole fucked up hair thing got started that is. She was a beautiful woman, big brown eyes, amazing full lips and a tongue so talented that it should have been insured. She was something else, let me tell you. And her tits? Full and round, about the size of a ripe grapefruit. She has the most luscious nipples, they were pink, actual baby pink, not that shitty pinkish brown that most women have. They would fill your hands and spill out just the slightest bit. Damn!”
Lucifer had a faraway look in his eyes, one that scared Titus more than the insane laughter of a few moments ago. An insane Lucifer was one thing, but a horny one was worse. Particularly given the fact that he wasn’t too picky about where he stuck his demon dick. Titus did NOT want to add being Lucifer’s butt-buddy to his growing list of duties.

“Of course,” Lucifer continued, “she was a cunt of the highest order. Greedy and jealous, vain and cold. She thought nothing of screwing anyone, and I mean ANYONE, if it got her what she wanted. And the fact that she had the libido of a bitch dog in heat didn’t help matters much. She was something else alright. Right up until she decided to fuck not only the husband of a jealous Goddess, but her son, her brother AND her father as well. That didn’t sit well with the Goddess, hence the snakes and the freaky eyes and such.”

“But still, Medusa was one of a kind.” Lucifer sounded almost sad. “I sure miss her.”

Titus sat perfectly still, he was so stunned and confused he couldn’t have moved if he had wanted to. There was something strange going on today, and not knowing what it was scared the living (or not) shit out of him.

Could Evil, with a capital E and all that stood for, go insane? Could the bright and shining Morning-star of Hell be certifiable? The ramifications were too frightening to consider.

Perhaps it was a hangover. Hopefully.

Finally trusting his voice, Titus cleared his throat and said, “You knew Medusa? The real Medusa?”
Knowing he sounded like an idiot Titus expected to be knocked across the room for his insolence. Bracing for the blow, he was amazed when he heard a low chuckle. Daring to raise his eyes, he looked across the looming desk to see Lucifer once again smiling.

“Oh yeah, I KNEW her in every sense. She was spectacular. I thought for sure she was going to join us in our little battle with the Heavens, but she couldn’t keep her legs, or her mouth for that matter, closed long enough to be any good to anyone for long. Don’t get me wrong, she was GOOD at what she did, but not in any real meaningful way. She fucked up, she paid the price. It is a shame that Jason cut off her head before the curse wore off though. Medusa wouldn’t have been that hideous snake thing for much longer, but that’s how the cookie crumbles I guess.”

Titus stared, dumbfounded. Surely something had happened to Lucifer. This was NOT the evil, manipulative bastard that usually sat behind a desk and destroyed entire nations on a whim. This Lucifer was different, almost kind, and that scared Titus more than anything had in the last two centuries.

Titus wasn’t sure if he should say anything or just let Lucifer go on about whatever entered his mind. Before he could build up enough courage to ask, Lucifer stilled, sat straight and stared directly at Titus.

If Titus hadn’t been scared shitless before, the look on Lucifer’s face would have done it. Sitting as still as a statue, Titus wondered what would happen next. So far this day had been like something out of the Twilight Zone (Titus LOVED that old show) with the only thing missing being Rod Sterling’s voice. Too bad Lucifer couldn’t outright kill him, but with Satan holding his soul, Titus was at the mercy of whatever twisted punishment could be thrown his way but couldn’t count on the sweet release of death.

Lucifer shook his head, let out a huge sigh and leaned back in his chair once again.

“Ah”, he said, “there will never again be times like those. We knew who our enemies were back then, now I have no idea whose side anyone is on. Not even you Titus. Whose side are you on, huh? Does dear old Daddy still pull your strings or does your loyalty lie with me?”

Titus was unsure of how to respond. Both he and Lucifer knew that Satan owned Titus’ soul, but the old man hadn’t been much interested in what Titus was or was not doing. The last thousand years had weighed heavy on the King of Lies, and his one and only son, Lucifer, had taken over the business so to speak.

Clearing his throat, Titus formulated the only answer he could, given the situation.

“You know as well as I do”, he began, “your Father holds my soul in his hand. He can compel me to do whatever he wishes whenever he wishes to do so. I have no say in that. I serve you because I must, just as I must serve your Father.”

Lucifer laughed.

“Way to go, Titus. Answer a straightforward question with a roundabout reply. I KNOW who owns your soul!! Do you think I’m stupid?” Lucifer’s eyes blazed red and the hair on his head began to move as though caught in a wind storm. “DO YOU?”

Titus jumped to his feet and bowed low.

“No, master. I do not think you are stupid. You asked for my allegiance, knowing that my allegiance is no more mine to give than my soul is mine to keep. I do what I must, and if you want to punish me for that then there is nothing I can do but suffer for your pleasure.” Titus hated to grovel before anyone, but to grovel before this being was worse than anything he had ever had to do. At least Satan was always in his true form, he never hid behind the trapping of mankind in order to do his work. Lucifer, however, took great pleasure in the fooling mankind into thinking he was one of them.

Titus despised him.

An invisible lash struck Titus, shredding his shirt and cutting his much scared back to ribbons. Lucifer’s laughter thundered in the room, rattling the windows and blowing papers off their surfaces.

“YOU FORGET, SLAVE. I AM MY FATHER’S SON. YOUR EVERY THOUGHT IS OPEN TO ME IF I SO DESIRE. YOU WILL PAY FOR YOUR INSOLENCE, AND THEN YOU WILL PAY FOR YOUR UMBRAGE. YOU ARE NOTHING AND YET YOU DARE JUDGE ME! YOU WILL LEARN, OH YES, YOU WILL LEARN.”

Liquid fire swam though Titus’ body, every nerve ending blazed with agony and blood pooled around his feet. Lucifer cackled as Titus’ convulsed in agony. Again and again the pain flared until Titus sank to his knees to finally fall into a pool of his own blood.

Sweet, sweet darkness enveloped him as maniacal laughter rang in his ears.