Holiness, snakes and dying

"Pastor" Jamie Coots of the Full Gospel Tabernacle in Middlesboro KY has died. He was bitten by a rattle snake during a Church service on Saturday night, and, as per his religion, he refused medical attention.  He died mere hours after the EMS team BEGGED him to go to the hospital.  He was the "pastor" of a Holiness church in KY, by Holiness, I mean a snake handling, poison drinking, jumpin' and hollerin' church.  Now, as someone who was raised in the midst of this type of religion, and who has, on more occasions than I can to recall, be in a church that believes in snake handling, I find that I have mixed emotions when I hear this news.

For those of you who don’t know, Jamie Coots appeared on a reality show called Snake Salvation on the Netgeo channel.  He had already been bitten twice, and had lost most of his middle finger (which rotted, yeah, ROTTED off) because of a snake bite.  He never sought medical attention for any of the bites he received during Church services.

I can understand WHY they believe as they do, because of a literal interpretation of the words in Mark 16: 17-18, which says (KJV) "(17) And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues; (18) They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover."

That simple passage is what their belief in snake handling and poison drinking is based on.

Growing up not far from a Holiness church, and attending services more than I care to remember, I realize that many of the people that attended these services when I was a child did not know how to read.  Most of them were from coal mine families where simply surviving was much more important than receiving an education.  There is no shame in that, particularly when you realize that I was a child in the 60’s.   Most of these people didn’t read the Bible, they took the Preacher’s word for what it said and what it meant.   The prejudices that were held by the Preacher were usually held by the members of the Church simply because they DID NOT KNOW BETTER.

But does that make it right?

Now, before many of you start flipping out on me, I will NEVER say that the Bible is wrong.  I WILL say that the Creator gave us a very rare gift, and it is called COMMON SENSE.  He gave it to us to USE and common sense tells us DO NOT PICK UP A RATTLE SNAKE AND RUB IT ON YOUR FACE!! 

Many Churches today still believe in speaking in tongues and laying on hands.  Many of them anoint an ill person with oil and “lift them up in prayer”.  Most of them believe that a person can be inhabited by the “spirit” of evil.  ALL of them do wondrous, positive things for uncountable thousands.  Churches aren’t all bad, not by a long shot. 

But places like the Full Gospel Tabernacle in KY and the Westboro Baptist Church in KS, well, they leave me with a feeling far removed from FAITH. They leave me with fear and confusion.

Westboro is quite simply a large group of bigots and neo-Nazis who enjoy hurting those around them.  They gather in the name of “God” to tear down, belittle and emotionally damage people around them.  They are all the things I believe a Church should NOT be.  No-one should teach HATE in the name of GOD.

Now, the Full Gospel tabernacle, that’s a different story.  I am sure that the Full Gospel Tabernacle did many positive things for its members and most probably for its community, I don’t believe that they are a positive force in the grand scheme of things.

Like I said, I have been to a snake handling service (don’t ask) and I have felt the maniacal glee that surrounds the believers, it’s a feeling that is indescribable. They have so much faith, so much passion for what they are doing that it literally fills the room.

But so do serial killers.

I’ve never attended anything having to do with the Westboro bunch, nor would I ever.  They seem to be a large collection of hateful people bent on the destruction of anyone who dares NOT believe as they do.  They have driven more people AWAY from the Church than they have ever brought to it.  (The same can be said of the Holiness Churches, I’m a prime example)

I guess it comes down to something very simple for me.  Today, when I heard the news of Jamie Coots death, I was sad for his family and for those you loved him.  I wasn’t surprised that he died of a snake bite, I have known of others in this religion who have.  I wasn’t surprised that he refused medical attention, his faith told him that he would be safe if he simply believed and that if he sought medical attention that he would surely go to Hell.  A small part of me felt vindicated, as horrible as that sounds.  I have always known that handling snakes was a dumb thing to do and that, although God protects idiots and children, sooner or later you will get bitten.

But the thing that struck me the most was a simple memory from my childhood.

I had left a Church service where they brought out some snakes.  My Granny was upset with me and she asked me why I had left.  I told her something very simple that still to this day holds true.  I said, “There is a thin line between faith and stupidity.  Handling snakes crosses that line.”

Was Jamie Coots stupid?  Or was it simply his time to move on?

Technology and other things meant to drive us insane........

I couldn’t find my phone today.  No, NOT my cell phone, my cordless house phone. To make it worse, it wasn’t ringing.  Now, under normal circumstances my phone NOT ringing is a blessing, not something that I would bitch about.

But, I have my caller ID so that it pops up on my television screen.  That way IF a number pops up (complete with name of course) and it’s someone I would rather NOT talk to, I don’t even bother trying to find the phone (which BTW is USUALLY on the charger where it belongs, not hiding somewhere in the house).  Anyway the damn ID was popping like some demented serial killer in an old high school during prom!  To make matters really worse, several of the calls were from people that I want to talk to.

So, I found the phone and TRIED to return one of the calls only to find that my phone wasn’t working!!  No dial tone!!  WTF??

Anyway, I proceeded to attach my headphone/microphone to my computer and return a call using Google talk.  After leaving a message telling them that it was me calling and not some strange person in California, I tried calling them back.  They STILL didn’t answer.  To make a long story short, it seems that some of us in the county are having phone problems.

I’m sure that some of you reading this are aware of what kind of month it has been here in Wild, Wonderful West Virginia.  For those of you that aren’t, here is a brief recap:

We experienced a storm from hell that wiped out power in almost the entire state.  Over 680,000 customers were without power, many of us for weeks.  I didn’t have power for 2 weeks, and when it came on it only stayed on for about a day and a half.  Since then it’s been a crap shoot as to whether or not there is power when I wake up.  Phone service has been spotty at best, insanely, horribly nonexistent at worse.  Internet comes and goes.  It’s a big fat pain in the ass.

During the electrical outage the average temp was around 100 degrees for the first week, and the second week was rife with thunderstorms and temps in the 90’s.  Fun, fun……

Anyway, NOW we’re under a severe thunderstorm warning with a flash flood warning.  The storm that tore through Illinois and left thousands without power/phone in Chicago is heading our way with a vengeance.  

All I can say is HERE WE GO AGAIN!!!

Now in case you missed it, I wrote a blog about things to do in West Virginia in the Summer without electric…..the thing you will do the most is SWEAT!!  With the humidity staying between 85 and 100% you have no choice but to SWEAT.  I’ll let you in on a secret, SWEATING MAKES ME ANGRY, especially when the most work I’m doing is breathing!!  I HATE to sweat when I’m not doing anything other than breathing!!  

*back on topic girl, back on topic*

So, where was I, oh yeah….the phone!!

So once I found the phone and took care of making my calls, I decided to listen to some music while I did some housework.  Usually this is a smooth operation involving turning on the stereo, finding my playlist on my laptop, plug in my wireless transmitter and hit play.  Sounds relatively easy, right?  Oh NO, NOT TODAY!

Today the laptop decided to have a major identity crisis and REFUSE to acknowledge the fact that some of my favorite music EVER resides on my playlist!!  Today it decided to tell me that those particular mp3s were NOT THERE!!  So, like one of Pavlov’s dogs, I went through my tricks hoping for a reward.  Checked the music folder for the songs…..yup, right there they are.  Checked that the player was set to play mp3s…….yup, sure is.  Tried to play songs on a different player…..yup they work.  Tired on RealPlayer again……SCREW YOU BITCH, I AIN’T PLAYING THOSE SONGS!!

Well, the easy fix would be to play them in windows media player, right??  NO, windows media player sucks!!  So I decided to play the original cd’s on the stereo……..right up until the moment the stereo decided that it didn’t want to play ANY cd’s today or apparently EVER again.

So here I sit, listening to the fan run and the neighbor mow his grass.  No music is gracing my ears because I’m to the point of making sure my laptop and stereo get HAMMERED today…..and NOT in the good, I’m drunk way!

It seems to me that while we advance in technology we are putting ourselves at risk for insanity!  Every new product that hits the market promises “ease of use” and usually ends up giving us a headache trying to read the manual or getting it to work.  Just as soon as we get used to one technology another one hits the market.  

Our alarms, telephones, televisions, computers, smart phones, mp3 players, dvd players, blue ray players, refrigerators and even our cars can all talk to us and tell us when the battery is going dead, when it’s time to get up, when our favorite program is on, when the oil is low, when to turn and when to defrost.  Pretty soon all of our gadgets will be able to operate themselves, our cars can already park themselves so it won’t be long before they will be driving without any assistance from us, it’s not that big of a step from planes flying on auto-pilot to flying themselves.

WE may soon be the next technology to become obsolete. The world will be filled with plastic gadgets telling stainless steel machines to produce even more plastic gadgets!!  Cars will come and go at will and refrigerators will keep whatever the hell they want fresh for weeks at a time.  Human beings will only be kept around to invent even more advanced gadgets to take care of the aging gadgets that are no longer useful.  

 WE WILL BE LIVING A STEPHEN KING NOVEL!!!

Before that happens I will go back to rotary phones with no caller id, call forward, three way calling (always sounded like something that would be really useful to a sex line business), speed dial, auto answer, special rings, voicemail or redial on busy feature.  I will dig out my old big picture tube, 13 channel, no remote, rabbit ear antenna using black and white tv.  I’m sure I have an AM radio in storage somewhere.  

I will go on a technology strike!!  

Except for my laptop and DSL of course.  I couldn’t get rid of them.  They help keep me entertained, the inform me of the weather in some country on the other side of the world with a name I can’t express.  They allow me to post stupid ranting on a blog that until recently no one knew existed!! THEY ALLOW ME TO TELL MY DEVIANTS THAT I LOVE THEM.  Yeah, the laptop/DSL will be my only nod to technology.  Without them I would go insane!!

Okay, you can stop shaking your head and mumbling “Go insane??  Sounds like you already are.”  Admit it, I have given a voice to the teeny, tiny little fear of technology that flits around the edges of your mind every time you see some new gadget that you just HAVE to have.  You know I’m not insane, I’m prophetically insightful, intelligently humorous, delightfully demented!!  But NOT insane!!  

I’m going to go see if I can talk my vacuum into working…….maybe someday they’ll invent one that runs when needed without assistance from a human……..it would be useful in helping clean up the little slivers of plastic that seem to magically appear every time I’m angry at my cd player/phone/ereader/tv…etc, etc, etc

Things to say to your friend when.........

So, I have this friend who is constantly whining about her choice in men.  (No E. its’ NOT you)  Anyway, she called today and we, as usual, had the same conversation we’ve been having for the past 4 years.

The conversation went something like this:

HER: I just don’t understand why no man I ever get involved with stays with me!  What’s wrong with me?

ME (being a good friend): There’s nothing wrong with you, it’s the men you pick. (yeah, I lied, but I’m trying to be nice)

HER: It must be me, there’s not that many assholes in the world!

ME (thinking, hmmmmm…..every single person in the world has an asshole): I don’t know honey, I don’t have an answer for you.

HER: *sniff, sniff*  I have to get off of here.  I’ll call you later. (click)

That’s right, no goodbye, no thanks, no nothing but a raging CLICK in my ear. While the ringing was echoing in my head, I began to think of all the things that I should have said and, because I was trying to be a nice person, didn’t say.

THINGS TO SAY TO YOUR FRIENDS WHEN THEY BITCH, WHINE, CRY and ACT LIKE IDIOTS OVER MEN:

Before  you get into a serious relationship, MEET THE FAMILY!!  I know meeting the family is usually after the relationship has gotten serious, but if you meet them beforehand, you will have some idea of whether or not he’s a fucking idiot!  Keep in mind, if you shake the family tree and a bunch of nuts fall out, it’s probably a bad idea to get involved with him.

If he tries to tie your shoes for you every time they come untied, he’s probably been trained to do so.  Now, if you want an obedient man (pet) keep in mind that they require a lot of maintenance (think constant reassurance of your love and his worth) and will get on your nerves very quickly.

If he becomes very possessive and questions what you’re doing, who you’re doing it with, when you’ll be done, sends you mushy love notes all within one week of meeting him…………RUN!

If he thinks he has to shave his back…….RUN IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION!!  Unless of course you’re  trying to get onto MONSTERQUEST, if that’s the case, capture him (before he shaves) and call The History Channel.  (Of course there are those of us that LIKE hairy men….but the fact that he thinks he has to shave his back is a turnoff.)

If he lies every time opens his mouth, you should have sense enough to get away from him.

If he talks, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, even in his sleep or when no one else is in the room, if the dog runs when he speaks….LEAVE NOW…it won’t be long before you place a pillow over his face and end up spending the rest of your life surrounded by women with nicknames like Slasher, Big Bertha, Little Dyke and Morris.

If he trolls the bar 5 nights a week he is either an alcoholic or else he is searching for a new “piece of ass” and you will soon be either a thing of the past or else infected with something you do not want.

If you advance a relationship to the point where you have seen him naked…..notice if his penis looks like a knobby vibrator…..IF it does, RUN, EVEN IF YOU ARE NAKED, TO THE CLOSEST DOOR AND LEAVE…..NOW!!

Remember ladies, Cum is NOT green!! 

If he has a Mommy complex and you’re an independent woman, stay clear!!  You don’t want a grown man that runs to Mommy every time you say a cross word.  Remember, the mothers of Mommies Boys is the source of the problem, it’s not his fault that he never learned to cut his own steak…..you’ll either have to take her place or live with a pouting, spoiled child.  Make the right choice!!

Now, before you men start to bitch and whine and call me a sexist.....here's your list.

THINGS TO SAY TO YOUR FRIENDS WHEN THEY BECOME A WHINING PUSSIES OVER A WOMAN:

She’s dumber than a retired pro wrestler and her voice sound like Minnie Mouse on helium. Does she have a fur lined puss?  Can she suck the chrome off of a bumper hitch?  NO….then What the fuck is wrong with you?

It doesn’t matter how incredible the sex is, if she’s crazier than a shit house rat sooner or later you will be in fear for your life.  Crazy sex is NOT good sex.

If she’s 35 years old and never held a job, yet still owns a house, gets a new car every year, comes up with expensive guitars and jewelry, goes on lavish vacations and you don’t pay for any of them…..SHE IS A WHORE!!  Remember men, WHORES GET PAID!!!!

If the odor of fish lingers around her all morning and you work nights, she must be working nights as well.  (see previous)

Just because it’s called a “flower” doesn’t mean it should have multiple “petals”.  If you’ve never seen one that like looks anything like this, you probably shouldn’t be seeing this one!

Yes, it is a self cleaning orifice, but there is only so much gunk that Mother Nature can clean up after.

Remember, Black boxes are not only in airplanes!!  If one end doesn’t match the other, you will be investing more cash than you want into CLAIROL with no return in sight!

If you come home and your woman is in bed with another woman, it DOES NOT mean she wants a threesome….Tuna doesn’t only come in a can!

If you’ve never seen her without her makeup, DO NOT MARRY HER OR EVEN GET INTO A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP WITH HER.  It would be very tragic if you rolled over one morning and realized you were in bed with your grandmother’s best friend.

No matter how hot she looks at closing time, chances are there’s a reason she’s still there.  Remember gentlemen, Alcohol dims, distorts, and totally fucks up not only your vision, but perhaps the rest of your life.  No one wants that one special call from the Health Department!

No matter which side of the sexual divide you are on, NO ONE want to listen to you whine or cry about the “One that got away”.  Same goes for the drunken babblings about your EX….Remember the X marks the spot, but the EX means Been there, Done that!

The next time my friend calls with a new story of woe, I believe I’ll send her a link to this post…..maybe I won’t wait until she calls.

Stalking or just "very interested".....

Once upon a time, if someone was following you around, hanging around outside your house and/or place of work, calling your house late at night and doing the heavy breathing thing or just generally following you around, it was called stalking!

Now, however, they can find your house on GOOGLE MAPS, see an actual picture of it on GOOGLE EARTH and download a topo map on DIGITAL-TOPO-MAPS.COM so they can figure out the best place to hide while they watch your house. They can follow you on TWITTER, FACEBOOK, MYSPACE and GOOGLE PLUS. They can make their late night, heavy breathing calls from GMAIL using the phone call options, and you'll never know where the call is coming from. They can do a background search on INTELIUS and know everything there is to know about you. They can stalk you from afar!! WTF???

It was bad enough when some crazed maniac could randomly pick some poor, defenseless person to try to drive insane!! Now they can choose from millions!! They can assign us all numbers and use a NUMBER GENERATOR to choose which one to bother on what days!!

Have we all gone insane?? I mean, I believe in freedom on information, but damn, do you really need to look up my address and then GOOGLE a picture of the structure so you can find it as you drive aimlessly around doing nothing??

It actually scares the shit out of me that someone who has NEVER been to my house knows when I rearrange my living room!! HOW did they know?? WHY do they care??

I can't believe that there is some cosmic alarm that sounds every time I move a piece of furniture or take the dogs out to run!! Is there an alarm on my commode seat as well?? Do you know every time I take a piss or should I just post it on line to keep you informed??

I'm a pretty boring person. I lead a mostly boring life. Hell, the highlight of my week was going to the DOLLAR GENERAL for trash bags!! Yeah, I post stupid, sometimes insulting, stuff on FACEBOOK, I have several blogs and I talk trash at times. So what?? Does that mean you have to keep an eye on me like I'm in ALKITA or something?? I'M AN AMERICAN AND DAMN PROUD OF IT!!!

I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you know me and you want to know what is going on in my life....ASK ME!! If you know me, chances are you already know where I live, or at least sort of, and you don't have to look up my address and GOOGLE my house!!

If you don't know me LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!!! Cyber stalking is NOT the way to win friends!!! It's scary, it's annoying and it really, really, really makes me want to hit you in the face with a metal chair!!!!!

Well, I'm going to sign off of here now and go do some domestic torture!! (see I WILL tell you what I'm doing, you don't have to lurk around like some type of vulture waiting for a body to stop moving!!!)

GOSSIP and other sins of ignorant people......

Merriam-Webster defines gossip as:

1: a person who habitually reveals personal or sensational facts about others

2: rumor or report of an intimate nature
3: a chatty talk
4: the subject matter of gossip

Dictionary.com defines gossip as:

1. idle talk or rumor, especially about the personal or private affairs of others: the endless gossip about Hollywood stars.
2. light, familiar talk or writing.

3. Also, gos·sip·er, gos·sip·per. a person given to tattling or idle talk.

The Free Dictionary defines gossip as:

1. casual and idle chat to have a gossip with a friend

2. a conversation involving malicious chatter or rumors about other people a gossip about the neighbors

3. Also called gossip-monger a person who habitually talks about others, esp maliciously

4. light easy communication to write a letter full of gossip

I define gossip as:

Bullshit people say about others because their own lives are so damn boring that they have to have something to talk about!!

So, if you haven't already figured it out, I am sick and tired of hearing the bullshit rumors, some of which are about me, that are flying around this wonderful (yes, that's sarcasm) county of ours.

Do you people NOT have something more interesting to do than try and make up stories about others???

If you're going to make up something, at the very least you could PLEASE make up something that an intelligent person would do. Now, I realize that for the gossiping idiots around here it would be a difficult task to come up with something an intelligent person would do.....you have to be an intelligent person in order to know what another intelligent person would do, so most of the gossips around here are left out of the loop!

NEWS FLASH FOLKS:

I have friends, BOTH male and female friends! I go places with them, I talk to them on the phone and on the computer....hell I even hang out with some of them on a regular basis!! DOESN'T MEAN I'M SCREWING THEM!!! It means I enjoy their company, it means we have things in common, it means I LIKE THEM!!

What is also means is that I PITY the idiots that have to make more of it than what it is! GET A LIFE!! You may just find out that there are people out there that YOU like and that like YOU!! You may just find people to hang out with, to talk to, to enjoy being around.....DOES THAT MEAN YOU'LL BE SCREWING THEM??? NO, IT DOES NOT!!!

I know that I shouldn't let it bother me, I realize that other peoples small minds actually have nothing what so ever to do with me....but it still hurts. If these people, the ones that are running their mouths, knew me at all, they would realize what their idle gossip is doing.

The definitions that were left out of all the dictionaries I went to is the following:

Gossip:
1. a vile attempt to cause another to think less of themselves than they should.
2. the spreading of rumors that cause more damage to those that believe them than they do the the subject of the rumors.

OMG...what the hell is going on???

Will someone explain something to me?

WHY do grown ass woman slap on enough makeup to keep a clown college in business for year, dress in shirts/dresses that are 2 sizes too small and then take a picture of themselves and post it on FACEBOOK??? And by grown ass women I mean females over the age of 30, women who are under 30 but have more 4 or more children (some of which already have children!!) and women of unknown age that look like they have been preserved in formaldehyde and only recently allowed out of the jar!!

Damn, don’t y’all realize that you look like “lot lizards”…..do you even know what a lot lizard is? Do you care?? Then again, some of you couldn't even make it as a lot lizard!

I saw a few profile pictures this evening and the only thing I could think of was that these “poses” were for some strange online red light district…..or else these women are TOTALLY BLIND!! If you don’t look good in a size 12, chances are good that you’re not going to look any better in a size 8 or a 6! You look like an over stuffed sausage casing…..not to mention the colors on/around your eyes….some colors SHOULD NOT BE FOUND ON A HUMAN BODY WHILE IT IS STILL BREATHING!!!

LOOK IN THE MIRROR! PLEASE? If there are colors that have never been seen in nature on your face........I may be talking about you! If you blink and have to struggle to get your eyelid to open back up.....I may be talking about you!! If you are wearing your 6 year old daughter's shirt.....I may be talking about you!!

I understand wanting to be attractive, honestly I do! But when you have to use a spatula to put on your makeup or use WD40 to put on a shirt, ATTRACTIVE is NOT the effect you will get! If anything you look like more of a loser than you actually are!!

I used to enjoy getting on FACEBOOK and chatting with friends, playing games and posting stupid shit. Hell, I still enjoy the games and the posting of stupid shit, but the chatting is all turning into cyber sex! WHY would I talk to someone in a sexual way if I wouldn't speak to them if I met them on the street??

And what the hell is up with the guys these days? I always knew men were whore dogs...but damn, when someone that is SUPPOSE to be your friend won't speak to you because he's trying to "get lucky" when some FB whore, well I guess you realize who the FRIENDS are and who the IDIOTS are!

I can NOT believe that these people are so GULLIBLE!! Most of these women couldn't make $20 standing on a corner, well, not unless some smart asses (like me) came by and threw pennies at them.....not saying that I ever DID something as low as throw pennies at whores.....but I'm NOT denying it either!

If you need a "friend" ~wink wink~ that badly, at least choose someone that you KNOW or at least know of, not someone that is only words on a page and a few badly taken photos!! And be realistic when you use the word "Beautiful", okay?? I realize that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but damn......how many blind men are there???

Okay, I'm done.....well at least for now. Sorry to have spewed all of this out. If you have a Facebook page....check out some of the profile pictures....you'll understand! Then again, you might see your picture and think "DAMN! I didn't realize I looked like that!"

Later!

So......it wasn't enough

Well, the title of this blog is "Negotiable insanity and other nonsense" which is perfect because I didn't think it was enough to have just ONE blog, NO, not ME.....I decided to do TWO! That is an example of Negotiable insanity!!


If you've gotten this far, you may have noticed that in my interest I put "teaching cats to sew". Well, there is a reason for that, although it may not make any sense to anyone but me. You see, I have a cat, actually I have three cats, but who's counting?? Anyway, this one cat, Tiver, is, well, I guess the polite way to put it is "mentally handicapped" or the not so polite way would be simply to tell you that this cat is "not right"!!

~~DEVIL KITTY~~

I love yellow ginger kitties! You know what I mean, the yellow tiger striped cats that have the glorious golden eyes! Tiver, the subject of this particular post, came to me by way of a lovely young lady named Lexi. Lexi and her family live on the same street, in the same small town, where I had, until recently, resided. Lexi looked at me with her big blue eyes and said, "Miss Teri, will you take Tiver? I know you will give her a good home." Then these little tears started welling up in her eyes and the rest is history!


You've heard of "water dogs" well, Tiver is a "Water cat". She, unlike most cats, LOVES water! You can find her at various times either sitting in the sink or, if you've leave the lid up, the commode! Yes, the cat sits IN not on the toilet!! Rain doesn't bother her, neither do baths or showers or being sprayed with the water bottle (that is, unless you sound mean when you do it).


She also loves sitting on the top of doors so she can bat you on the head when you walk by. She sleeps with the dogs, plays with her food and refuses to come when you say "Kitty, kitty, kitty". All of this is cute, isn't it??


Well, the cuteness ends when Tiver finds a piece of cloth. Any piece of cloth will do, the curtains, my socks or, her personal favorite, the shower curtain. I have had to replace more shower curtains since I've gotten this stupid cat than I have ever bought in the previous 40 years!!!



You see, she doesn't PLAY with cloth, she shreds it! She picks it, she snags it, she rips it....and if all else fails she will on occasion piss on it!! The cat is a menace!! She doesn't only bother anything cloth that may be laying around, NO, not HER.....she likes to attack the cloth that is on your body, never mind that her little claws will sink in deeper than most hypodermic needles. She will slash at your socks when you walk by, not at your ankles, NO, if you walk by "sockless" she will ignore you. Pointedly! She will hang from the cuffs of your pants or, if you are really unlucky like me, your shorts!


She will shred a shower curtain in under three minutes. Not the plastic part that hangs inside the tub, not her, just the pretty cloth part that adds flare to the bathroom.


She will climb curtains with the speed and dexterity of a spider monkey in it's natural habitat!


She will search out and destroy random socks with such precision that it would shame most Bomb squad experts!!


She will carry dish towels in her mouth and hide them like a squirrel finding and hiding nuts for a long hard winter!


The cat is cloth crazy!


She's a good hunter, although she insist on bringing live mice into not only the bedroom, but MY BED!! (It's a funny story.....check it out here. It's near the bottom of the page.)


She's cute! She looks so innocent! She's such a "dear"......yeah right, and Hitler was a little maladjusted!!

Well, I took a little break from composing this to check out the bathtub drain. If you're wondering what I mean by that, check out this link for my other blog and the entire leaky pipes saga! (Yes, I am shamelessly promoting my other blog, so sue me....not that you'd get much, but you can try!!)

Since the drain didn't seem to be leaking, I decided to take a bath....not a shower, but an actual bath! I ran my water, standing watch over the tub the entire time in case some water decided to invade the bathroom carpeting again, undressed and got into the tub. I soaked, I scrubbed, I shampooed and conditioned. the only thing I forgot was to CLOSE THE BATHROOM DOOR!!


Tiver had been sleeping peacefully on top of a few of the boxes that I have as yet not unpacked. She was kitty snoring and dreaming whatever demented dreams a cloth obsessed cat dreams. I figured it was safe to bath while the little "angel" was sleeping......boy was I wrong.


Do you have any idea how much cat hair will stick to a wet, naked human body? I do, and let me tell you, it's a lot!!


You see, Tiver decided that she should help me bath....so she dived, not stepped, not jumped, not even sprang, but literally DOVE into the tub. Then, she began rubbing her wet cat hair an any and all reachable parts of my body. Needless to say, it didn't end well! There is a damp kitty trail leading under my bed, where Tiver is now licking herself so that every remaining hair is back in it's original place. I had to shower in order to get the "non-remaing" hair off of myself......you wouldn't believe how much hair that was. then I had to wash out the tub, TWICE, in order to get rid of all the Tiver left-overs!! When that was done I had to sop up the wet cat trail and throw too many towels in the wash.

I'm finally beginning to understand why people think that cats are EVIL!!


Well, I'm out of here. Time to see how hig the sleeping dogs with jump when I start the vacuum.

I'll blame it on the cat!!