Boobies and body issues

So I am 54.  Old, middle aged, whatever you want to call it, I am there.  I don’t usually complain about it, I mean hell, living to be 54 is better than the alternative.  I never did like dirt in my face anyway.

But, being 54 is not the issue.  Not at all.

The issue is that I, a slender, petite woman, have never had boobs!  I've always felt like I was missing out on something by being a perfect A cup.  (Especially now, when I use K-cups to make my coffee!!)

You see, we live in a society that glorifies tits!  Yup, I said it.  We jumped on the booby train years ago and I was left at the station!!

My boobies are small.  They do not garner much attention.

Small boobies!!  NO, mine don't have blue feet!

I have AMAZING nipples, although they just sit there and say, “If God had given me tits they would have been *here and *here.”  Yup, it’s that bad.

I have thought, from time to time, of getting breast implants.  Not huge things, just average titties, ya know.  Something like a B cup would be amazing!!  But of course, time and money have always been an issue, not to mention the fact that I don’t want to be 80 and have perfect tits while the rest of me decays like something from the Walking Dead!!

Small boobies don’t ask for much.  But they are sensitive.  They don’t enjoy being kneaded like bread dough, nor do they enjoy being smashed in padded bras that try, without much success, to force them to look like cleavage.

Even though I have small boobies, I have a great ass.  My ass is round, tight and heart-shaped, it looks great in jeans and serves as a wonderful pad for those rock hard seats!!

 Heart shaped ass!  NO, mine does NOT have fur!

It doesn't seem fair that I was gifted with a great ass and NO boobies!!  Who came up with that combination??  It is insulting!

My sister has boobs!  She has boobs to spare!!  Others in my family have boobies galore!!  Me, I have great nipples and that’s about it!

I guess it’s society’s concept of women that has driven me insane over the years.  I mean, we are bombarded with pictures of women with tits that would put Venus to shame.  But of course we will never know how much of that is Photoshop and how much is surgery!  We only see the end product.

Breast augmentation is NOT something to take lightly.  For all that it is done a hundred times over every single day in this country, it is a serious surgery.  And for what?

To have two sandwich bags of foreign substance placed in your body so that people will look at your tits??  To face serious health risk because the public seems to think great boobs equals a woman’s worth?

And women are just as bad!  We have great catch phrases like “My eyes are up here” and “Boobs are prove that men can focus on two things at once” and then we bitch when we are treated like object and have rude things said to us.  We talk down to each other and we say the snidest things to flat chested women. 

I know, I've been on the receiving end of that one!!  And it sucks!

My face when another woman makes a snide tit remark!

We have become so body obsessed that we  have forgotten that it is NOT our stature that makes us good people, it’s not the clothes or the boobs or the jewelry, it’s what is inside.  It’s the love, the joy and the desire to make things better.

Yeah, some of you are saying, “Big tits DO make things better.”  Bullshit~

I’d love to see a man worry about his ball sack being too small.  If men were judged not on their merit but on the size of their balls there would be a whole new market for surgeons!!  And think of the clothing lines that would develop!!  Yup, this should be the next body issue trend!!

You thinks politicians are dumb now…..imagine, being elected based on the size of your testicles!!

Randall, future Presidential candidate for President

Test scores would be meaningless, you would be judged on how big your balls were and how well you displayed them!!

Instead of “Flat-chested fashion tips” there would be articles titled “How to best display your undersized scrotum”.  There would be “ball enhancing” underwear for the “slightly less endowed”.  There would be plastic surgeons advertising in Popular Mechanic!!

There would be stores carrying ONLY ball related clothing.  Jeans would need to be redesigned and man-thongs would be no more!!

Men worldwide would worry about how they dressed so they didn't attract the “wrong type of attention”.  And males would be constantly saying, “My eyes are up here!!” and “Admit it, you are only attracted to my balls”!

Aww what a world!

NOT!

It will NEVER happen because MEN and WOMEN are different.  I didn’t mean physically either, DUH!  I mean, men would NEVER allow themselves to be placed on display and judged for a physical trait.  Men realize that there is MORE to other men than the size of their testicles!  MEN get to know other men before they judge.  MEN are, by and large, NOT catty little bitches!

You see folks, we call two females fighting a “cat fight” for a reason.  Have you EVER seen a cat fight?  Or better yet, HEARD one??

What did you say to me bitch???

We, the “fairer” sex are NOT fair!  We are judgmental, we are snide and we can be down right hateful!  We scratch, we spit, we slap and we bite.  WE are in no size, shape or form FAIR!!

And women, you are the reason I have considered getting myself mutilated!  Yup, I said it, mutilated.  I have considered having my chest cut open and foreign objects stuck in there simply because other WOMEN are hateful bitches and make snide remarks.  By and large, straight MEN are happy to play with boobs.  They may like huge ones, but they will play with ANY of them that do not belong on another man!  Or their Mother!

Women however will comment on how you looks, and whether or not you should wear something because I don’t have the “build to make the dress look best” as one sales clerk told me.  (In other words it was too “sexy” for a flat-chested bitch like me)

Never mind that I liked the dress, never mind that I was buying it for ME not for someone else, never mind that I thought it looked wonderful.  Some bitch had to destroy my dream of wearing it because I, being flat chested and short, couldn't fulfill her standards.

Life sucks sometimes, doesn't it?

There are other things that have given me “issues”.  But that will be another post on another day…..or maybe later today.