At any given point in time, the creatures we refer to as human beings can, and do, cycle through dozens of emotions ranging from intense desire to dark, over whelming anger. It's amazing!! We are so complex and diverse.
Take, for instance, an intelligent woman who is suffering (yes, that IS the correct term) from the first bloom of NEW LOVE. This woman was, until recently, a driven, single minded person who was focused on creating the life she has always wanted. She has been to the depths of hell in previous situations, she has suffered and she has come back all the stronger for it. She is WOMAN, hear her ROAR!!
Then, out of the blue, Cupid, the diaper wearing little demon, decides to shoot this wonderful, independent woman in the ass with one of his little poison darts of chaos! Cupid decides that this woman would be better off if she were suffering from the insanity that is NEW LOVE.
So with the twang of a bow string, he sets into motion a complex and confusing array of emotions. This once intelligent, respected, driven woman becomes, in a matter of days, a starry eyed school girl who has forgotten the battles she has waged in order to become an independent woman.
Her heart races, her palms sweat, she is restless and totally obsessed with this one man, this one beautiful, loving, devoted man. You watch her and you see the same signs and symptoms of addiction you would witness if you were watching a drug addict!
She, like a druggie, ignores her responsibilities, doesn't have time to spend with friends/family, can't concentrate on anything, anyone, other than that one wonderful man. She spends her every waking moment thinking about him, being with him or making plans to be with him. She is obsessed to the point of distraction. All because a little arrow shooting psychopath decided to screw with her life!!
The illusion of Cupid shooting an arrow at a person and causing them to fall in love (have you ever noticed we call it FALL in love, there is a reason for that you know!) and forget who they are is actually a good one. Blaming it on outside influences is valid, especially when you consider what takes place in a human body during the first days of a new love.
Humans, particularly women, release an overabundance of chemicals when they first fall in love. These chemicals are addictive and can be destructive.
So here is the explanation for our behaviors when that psycho Cupid uses our asses for his poison dart practice.
First there is the LUST phase of love. During this time, when we want to tear each other's clothes off and go at it like addled teenage rabbits, our bodies are releasing testosterone and estrogen. This happens to men and women both. These two hormones should be called WHOREMOANS because they are essentially the street walkers of body chemistry! They have so many responsibilities in the bodies, yet all they can think of is humping like rabbits!!
Once these streetwalker hormones have us hooked on the amazing feelings we get at this point in the "relationship" our bodies decide to move on to Phase TWO of this heinous plan of Cupid's!
Phase two involves four main neurotransmitters called adrenaline, cortisol, dopamine and serotonin. This lovely little chemical cocktail causes us to basically act like obsessed idiots with no clue of what may happen next.
You see, it's like this, first falling in love activates our stress hormones adrenaline and cortisol. This little mixture is responsible for the pitter-pat of our hearts, the sweat that soaks our palms and the flush that colors our cheeks whenever we are in proximity of our love. Keep in mind that adrenaline is also what enables a mother to lift a car from her trapped child or the 90 lb weakling to kick the ass of the big, bad bully! It increases your breathing and your heart rate, sometimes to disastrous levels! Cortisol treats skin rashes and allergic reactions, it can (and does) also lead to depression, heart disease and high blood sugar. Hmmmmm, sounds like a killer combination doesn't it? Awwww, love.......
Dopamine, that lovely little neurotransmitter, stimulates the "desire and reward" part of our brains. It causes those afflicted with the love bug to have less need for sleep or food, increased energy, focused attention (think obsessed) and a rush of exquisite delight in the smallest details of our newly hatched relationship. Dopamine has the same effect on the brain as snorting the best cocaine you can find!! Sounds fun, don't it?!?!
Then there is Serotonin. Awwww, little Serotonin! Here is the chemical that is responsible for the temporary insanity that is New Love. Yup, this little gem is the reason we can't focus on anything other than that perfect man we have so luckily found. This one causes us to become so single minded that we forget our friends and loved ones, as well as slack off at work, daydream during meetings and forget to close the front door of our apartment. Too much serotonin can cause everything from diarrhea to seizures and too little causes everything from depression and anxiety to irritability and rage. People who suffer with OCD have too little serotonin. That explains the obsession part of New Love, right?
Finally we have reached Phase Three of Falling in Love. In this phase we are releasing yet two more hormones, only these two little ditties are the ones responsible for wanting to stay "forever". You see, now that our bodies have us addicted to all those feel good hormones, now it wants us to stay right here and suffer for infinity!
Oxytocin one of the chemicals that is released during the human orgasm. It deepens the attraction and makes us feel more "connected" to the one we are with. It causes us to want to cuddle. It is also the hormone that causes a mother to form such a strong bond of attachment with the child she has given birth to.
Research has shown that if the production of oxytocin is blocked the mother will reject her young!! It's a strong little bugger. It has been known as the "trust hormone". Yup, that is a lot of responsibility to but on one little chemical compound!!
Vasopressin is also a sexually released hormone. Only this one is releases AFTER sex! It is an important hormone is long term commitment. This one, oddly, controls the kidneys not the heart! LOL Imagine that, the KIDNEYS!! Yup, those organs use the same hormones to produce urine that the mind uses to form emotional bonds! LOL Sorry, I just find that entirely too funny!! It would be even better if it was the hormone that controls the large intestines, but .....anyway.
So there you have it. A proven, scientific reason for the insanity of the previously mentioned woman. She has every reason to act like she does, it is beyond her control!! LOL
Cupid, that heinous little shit, dips his arrows not in poison but in a potentially deadly mixture of human hormones. He is not a sweet little diaper wearing cherub, but a mad scientist bent on the continuation of mankind.
There should be an bounty on his head!!
Saturday, December 20, 2014
Wednesday, December 17, 2014
Birds, squirrels and sunrise
It's another cold rainy day in good ole WV. Still no snow in sight, although I'm not sure that's a bad thing......well, other than the mud that is.
Anyway, I've been up for hours and hours, literally. For some reason these stupid birds seem to think that it's time to SCREAM, yeah, scream NOT sing, at the exact moment the sun rises on the Atlantic Ocean!! It can be dark as the grave and they start with their morning ritual of noise.
I've always thought that birds sang, tweeted, whistled, whatever. I thought only large, condor types screeched, well them and owls. But no, I was sadly mistaken.
You see, J has six "cute" little birds. Three lovebirds, which AREN'T lovable, and three cockatiels, who are also NOT lovable. And very rarely do any of them actually sing!! Usually the sounds that issue from their mouths are a mixture of screeches, screams, loud hateful whistles and, rarely, a song that they repeat incessantly!
If you remember the movie One Million Years B.C. with Raquel Welch, well imagine the sound that the pterodactyl makes as she dives down to snatch Raquel and flies off to feed her to the chicks. Yeah, that sound it what usually wakes me up!
For some reason these birds seem to think they are some prehistoric dinosaur/flying lizard things that have to screech and scream the sun up! It's God-awful!
And, if the screeching wasn't bad enough, when they DO actually sing it's the same song, which is a mix-up of the Mayberry theme and Jingle Bells, over and over and over and......well, you get the idea! It's enough to make a normal person insane and, as we all know, I am far from normal!!
As if the inside birds weren't bad enough, the outside ones are just damn rude! We feed them on the back deck, every single day I put out seed for the birds and corn for the squirrels. Even in the summer we do this, although the damn things could find their own food. Anyway, we feed them.
If I'm not up and have birdseed out at the correct time the damn birds fly around front and eat the outside cat's food. We have the fattest birds ever, also the laziest cat seeing as how she will lay on the bench and watch the birds eat her food, never attempting to catch one of them. Then when they have emptied her bowl she will scream at me to fill it because she's starving, don't ya know. Yup, let the birds (cat food on the hoof) eat her food (lazy cat food off the hoof) and then scream because she can see the bottom of the bowl!! Why she doesn't eat the damn birds I'll never know, but that's the way it is.
Anyway, the birds fly around front and then, once they have had their cat food appetizer, they come back to the deck and peck on the window! Yup, the little assholes will KNOCK if I forget to feed them!!
But, they are not the only ones that will knock on the back door. Oh no, they learned that particular skill from the fat, spoiled rotten squirrels (think the size of a small dog) that live and breed behind the house. Yup, the rotten little bastards will sit on their asses and knock on the door while looking for me if they don't have a ready source of corn outside. The worst part is that J won't allow me to shoot and eat the little fat bastards!! (I firmly believe that if we fatten them up the least they can do is sacrifice a couple of their brethren to my frying pan!!)
The point I'm trying to make is that I can't sleep in. NOT AT ALL!! NEVER!!
Between pterodactyl sounding inside birds, cat food stealing outside birds, fat, lazy, starving outside cats, and fat-ass squirrels knocking on the back window, sleep is a distant memory!!
Maybe if the squirrels get big enough they will start eating the birds that eat the cat food that makes the cat scream!! Then I will only have to worry about getting in a head shot before the fat bastards come for me!!
Anyway, I've been up for hours and hours, literally. For some reason these stupid birds seem to think that it's time to SCREAM, yeah, scream NOT sing, at the exact moment the sun rises on the Atlantic Ocean!! It can be dark as the grave and they start with their morning ritual of noise.
I've always thought that birds sang, tweeted, whistled, whatever. I thought only large, condor types screeched, well them and owls. But no, I was sadly mistaken.
You see, J has six "cute" little birds. Three lovebirds, which AREN'T lovable, and three cockatiels, who are also NOT lovable. And very rarely do any of them actually sing!! Usually the sounds that issue from their mouths are a mixture of screeches, screams, loud hateful whistles and, rarely, a song that they repeat incessantly!
If you remember the movie One Million Years B.C. with Raquel Welch, well imagine the sound that the pterodactyl makes as she dives down to snatch Raquel and flies off to feed her to the chicks. Yeah, that sound it what usually wakes me up!
For some reason these birds seem to think they are some prehistoric dinosaur/flying lizard things that have to screech and scream the sun up! It's God-awful!
And, if the screeching wasn't bad enough, when they DO actually sing it's the same song, which is a mix-up of the Mayberry theme and Jingle Bells, over and over and over and......well, you get the idea! It's enough to make a normal person insane and, as we all know, I am far from normal!!
As if the inside birds weren't bad enough, the outside ones are just damn rude! We feed them on the back deck, every single day I put out seed for the birds and corn for the squirrels. Even in the summer we do this, although the damn things could find their own food. Anyway, we feed them.
If I'm not up and have birdseed out at the correct time the damn birds fly around front and eat the outside cat's food. We have the fattest birds ever, also the laziest cat seeing as how she will lay on the bench and watch the birds eat her food, never attempting to catch one of them. Then when they have emptied her bowl she will scream at me to fill it because she's starving, don't ya know. Yup, let the birds (cat food on the hoof) eat her food (lazy cat food off the hoof) and then scream because she can see the bottom of the bowl!! Why she doesn't eat the damn birds I'll never know, but that's the way it is.
Anyway, the birds fly around front and then, once they have had their cat food appetizer, they come back to the deck and peck on the window! Yup, the little assholes will KNOCK if I forget to feed them!!
But, they are not the only ones that will knock on the back door. Oh no, they learned that particular skill from the fat, spoiled rotten squirrels (think the size of a small dog) that live and breed behind the house. Yup, the rotten little bastards will sit on their asses and knock on the door while looking for me if they don't have a ready source of corn outside. The worst part is that J won't allow me to shoot and eat the little fat bastards!! (I firmly believe that if we fatten them up the least they can do is sacrifice a couple of their brethren to my frying pan!!)
The point I'm trying to make is that I can't sleep in. NOT AT ALL!! NEVER!!
Between pterodactyl sounding inside birds, cat food stealing outside birds, fat, lazy, starving outside cats, and fat-ass squirrels knocking on the back window, sleep is a distant memory!!
Maybe if the squirrels get big enough they will start eating the birds that eat the cat food that makes the cat scream!! Then I will only have to worry about getting in a head shot before the fat bastards come for me!!
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
Christmas is coming......
So, here it is the 16th of December and we in West Virginia are faced with the normal weather related troubles.
For those of you that are not familiar with my blogs, and have not read about the amazing weather we here in God's Country have, let me enlighten you!
West Virginia has the usual Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter, pretty much like anyone else in this part of the world. But, we are also blessed (yeah right) with THREE SUB-seasons!!
Yup, I just told you we have a total of SEVEN seasons here in West-by-God.
You see, when that dreaded Old Man Winter is making his way to us we have to suffer the indignities of PRE-Winter, or Post-Autumn if you will. That simply means that in December we will have temperatures ranging from below zero to 60 degrees.
Today is a fine example. Here we are, all dressed up (decorations) and waiting for the lovely white blanket of snow to grace our hills and valleys. Picture perfect Winter scenes dancing in our minds as we glob on the tinsel and hang the last light. It sounds, and should be, BEAUTIFUL!!!
Is it??
Nope, nope, nope!!
Instead of the beautiful, unblemished blanket of pure, clean, white snow, we have.....da, da, da,dummmmmm, BROWN!!
Yup, Winter MUD season is upon us!!
Instead of uniquely beautiful flakes of purest white drifting down from the sky like feathers fallen from angel wings, we have RAIN!! Yup, each and every drop is exactly the same, each one fat with potential to make our yard a sea of greasy, slimy, think brown muck!!
For some reason mud doesn't reflect the red, green and white of Christmas lights quite as well as snow would.
It's not near as fun to have a mudball fight in 40, snowball fights would be much better!!
Mud on the road is just as dangerous as snow, actually more so!!
I've yet to have a shirt/coat/gloves/shoes/pants ruined by being stained by snow!
Let me give you a few insights about West Virginia mud:
1. Get the visions of bikini clad women wrestling grabbing each other and rolling in a substance that looks like melted chocolate. This is NOT mud from any region of West Virginia! (And probably not from any region on earth, but hey, everyone believes what they see on Jerry Springer, right?) The composition of West Virginia mud is more along the lines of sand, clay, tiny gravel, heavy dose of slime and residual feces from various and sunder animals.
2. West Virginia mud is slimy, thick, heavy and clingy all at the same time! Yup, you will slip and fall (perhaps break something) in this stuff and when you try to stand up you will find that you are weighted down by 40+ pounds of clumpy, slimy, stiff, cold mud! Imagine becoming a Golem and attempting to run a 10K race!
3. West Virginia mud will stain ANYTHING!! Skin, clothing, shoes, metal, plastic, you name it and it will be stained. NOTHING will get this color off of or out off any material. If you stain your clothing just give up! Yup, your choices are, throw it away, wash it and then promptly mix clothing dye a sickening shade of shit brown and dye said article, tear it up and use it for rags. Whatever you do, do NOT be fooled into thinking OXYClean will remove the stain......this is the stuff God used to dye the fur of numerous animals during creation!!
4. No matter what you may think, no matter what previous experience you have had with mud, be prepared to be assaulted by a stench like none other if you are unlucky enough to fall down in this stuff. Yup, an odor akin to stagnant shit seems to explode from West Virginia mud anytime it is disturbed! Being pissed off about the smell and stomping across the muddy yard will only serve to stir up a stench the likes of which you will never forget!!
5. West Virginia mud is COLDER than snow! Yup, sounds crazy, but it's true! This brown crud is so cold that it leaves you not only stained a wonderful shade of shit brown, but when it is caked on it will give you a bone deep ache. It is cold! As in cold as the grave!! As a matter of a fact I'm pretty sure West Virginia mud holds the origins for that saying!
Anyway, I'm pretty sure you get the idea!
So, while the rest of the Northern Hemisphere celebrate the Winter Solstice, Christmas and all the other beautiful Winter Holidays wrapped in red, gold, silver, blue and green, West Virginia will once again celebrate this Holiday Season in the cold, depressing, drab brown of Winter Mud!
For those of you that are not familiar with my blogs, and have not read about the amazing weather we here in God's Country have, let me enlighten you!
West Virginia has the usual Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter, pretty much like anyone else in this part of the world. But, we are also blessed (yeah right) with THREE SUB-seasons!!
Yup, I just told you we have a total of SEVEN seasons here in West-by-God.
You see, when that dreaded Old Man Winter is making his way to us we have to suffer the indignities of PRE-Winter, or Post-Autumn if you will. That simply means that in December we will have temperatures ranging from below zero to 60 degrees.
Today is a fine example. Here we are, all dressed up (decorations) and waiting for the lovely white blanket of snow to grace our hills and valleys. Picture perfect Winter scenes dancing in our minds as we glob on the tinsel and hang the last light. It sounds, and should be, BEAUTIFUL!!!
Is it??
Nope, nope, nope!!
Instead of the beautiful, unblemished blanket of pure, clean, white snow, we have.....da, da, da,dummmmmm, BROWN!!
Yup, Winter MUD season is upon us!!
Instead of uniquely beautiful flakes of purest white drifting down from the sky like feathers fallen from angel wings, we have RAIN!! Yup, each and every drop is exactly the same, each one fat with potential to make our yard a sea of greasy, slimy, think brown muck!!
For some reason mud doesn't reflect the red, green and white of Christmas lights quite as well as snow would.
It's not near as fun to have a mudball fight in 40, snowball fights would be much better!!
Mud on the road is just as dangerous as snow, actually more so!!
I've yet to have a shirt/coat/gloves/shoes/pants ruined by being stained by snow!
Let me give you a few insights about West Virginia mud:
1. Get the visions of bikini clad women wrestling grabbing each other and rolling in a substance that looks like melted chocolate. This is NOT mud from any region of West Virginia! (And probably not from any region on earth, but hey, everyone believes what they see on Jerry Springer, right?) The composition of West Virginia mud is more along the lines of sand, clay, tiny gravel, heavy dose of slime and residual feces from various and sunder animals.
2. West Virginia mud is slimy, thick, heavy and clingy all at the same time! Yup, you will slip and fall (perhaps break something) in this stuff and when you try to stand up you will find that you are weighted down by 40+ pounds of clumpy, slimy, stiff, cold mud! Imagine becoming a Golem and attempting to run a 10K race!
3. West Virginia mud will stain ANYTHING!! Skin, clothing, shoes, metal, plastic, you name it and it will be stained. NOTHING will get this color off of or out off any material. If you stain your clothing just give up! Yup, your choices are, throw it away, wash it and then promptly mix clothing dye a sickening shade of shit brown and dye said article, tear it up and use it for rags. Whatever you do, do NOT be fooled into thinking OXYClean will remove the stain......this is the stuff God used to dye the fur of numerous animals during creation!!
4. No matter what you may think, no matter what previous experience you have had with mud, be prepared to be assaulted by a stench like none other if you are unlucky enough to fall down in this stuff. Yup, an odor akin to stagnant shit seems to explode from West Virginia mud anytime it is disturbed! Being pissed off about the smell and stomping across the muddy yard will only serve to stir up a stench the likes of which you will never forget!!
5. West Virginia mud is COLDER than snow! Yup, sounds crazy, but it's true! This brown crud is so cold that it leaves you not only stained a wonderful shade of shit brown, but when it is caked on it will give you a bone deep ache. It is cold! As in cold as the grave!! As a matter of a fact I'm pretty sure West Virginia mud holds the origins for that saying!
Anyway, I'm pretty sure you get the idea!
So, while the rest of the Northern Hemisphere celebrate the Winter Solstice, Christmas and all the other beautiful Winter Holidays wrapped in red, gold, silver, blue and green, West Virginia will once again celebrate this Holiday Season in the cold, depressing, drab brown of Winter Mud!
Monday, December 1, 2014
Cat TV and spoiled dogs....
A couple of weeks ago one of my cats, Baby, who happens to be "special", was irritating me beyond belief! I was attempting to do some work on my computer and he kept rubbing on me and getting between me and the screen. Finally he sat on my laptop keyboard, turned to face me and very gently, very calmly placed a paw against my cheek and meowed in my face while directly looking me in the eyes.
Now, to most cat owners this would be a sign that the cat either
1.) wanted attention
2.) wanted food
3.) had a cold butt
But for me it meant that the damn cat wanted to watch what is jokingly called "Cat TV" around here. You see, a month or so ago I was browsing YouTube when I came across a 35 minute video of birds and squirrels eating at a feeder. Now, before I go on let me say one thing, I am normally an intelligent woman who does her best to make the right choices at all times. This was NOT one of those times. In my weary delirium I thought it would be "funny" to show the video to the cats that share the house with us.
THAT WAS A MISTAKE!!
The three younger cats that share our home thought it was AWESOME!! One of them, Baby, you know, the "special" one, even fell asleep watching the birds fly off and on the feeder. Thankfully he had missed the squirrels!!
So, now we come to the heart of the problem! Baby no believes that the ONLY reason to have the laptop on is so that he can watch CAT TV! Yup, he will actually come and, in his own way, demand that I turn it on!
And that is NOT the worst of it!! The big gray tabby, known, ironically as Mr. Stripey, comes in and rubs and bats at me so I will follow him to the french doors that lead to the deck. Once there, he expects me to put out bird food and corn for the squirrels so he can lay on the table and watch a live version of CAT TV!!
He will go so far as to meow, loud and demanding, while looking at me and batting the door glass!!
Now, it might seem cute. I admit it sounds cute. Let me tell you, it is NOT cute, it is annoying!! I am bossed around, more than usual, by two cats that need to be entertained!! Not just entertained, but actually have their own programs/events to watch!!
WTH???
Add to that the fact that the little, annoying, bossy, spoiled dogs seem to believe that they NEED peanut butter each and every time I go into the kitchen and you'll begin to understand that I am nothing more than an animated television changer, door man and food provider!! They, with the exception of my own dog, don't even really like me that much! I am here only to fulfill their every whim!!
Once upon a time I actually believed that my pets LOVED me. Boy, was I mistaken! They may care about me, but I think it's just because I provide varied and sunder services for them. I buy them food and treats, I make sure they have toys and clean water, comfortable places to sleep and keep warm and that they are healthy. I provide entertainment and stimulation, as well as a "cushy" place to lay when they decide to crawl into bed with me. I am a possession that exists only to keep them happy and healthy!!
Sometimes it really sucks to be me!
Later.
Now, to most cat owners this would be a sign that the cat either
1.) wanted attention
2.) wanted food
3.) had a cold butt
But for me it meant that the damn cat wanted to watch what is jokingly called "Cat TV" around here. You see, a month or so ago I was browsing YouTube when I came across a 35 minute video of birds and squirrels eating at a feeder. Now, before I go on let me say one thing, I am normally an intelligent woman who does her best to make the right choices at all times. This was NOT one of those times. In my weary delirium I thought it would be "funny" to show the video to the cats that share the house with us.
THAT WAS A MISTAKE!!
The three younger cats that share our home thought it was AWESOME!! One of them, Baby, you know, the "special" one, even fell asleep watching the birds fly off and on the feeder. Thankfully he had missed the squirrels!!
So, now we come to the heart of the problem! Baby no believes that the ONLY reason to have the laptop on is so that he can watch CAT TV! Yup, he will actually come and, in his own way, demand that I turn it on!
And that is NOT the worst of it!! The big gray tabby, known, ironically as Mr. Stripey, comes in and rubs and bats at me so I will follow him to the french doors that lead to the deck. Once there, he expects me to put out bird food and corn for the squirrels so he can lay on the table and watch a live version of CAT TV!!
He will go so far as to meow, loud and demanding, while looking at me and batting the door glass!!
Now, it might seem cute. I admit it sounds cute. Let me tell you, it is NOT cute, it is annoying!! I am bossed around, more than usual, by two cats that need to be entertained!! Not just entertained, but actually have their own programs/events to watch!!
WTH???
Add to that the fact that the little, annoying, bossy, spoiled dogs seem to believe that they NEED peanut butter each and every time I go into the kitchen and you'll begin to understand that I am nothing more than an animated television changer, door man and food provider!! They, with the exception of my own dog, don't even really like me that much! I am here only to fulfill their every whim!!
Once upon a time I actually believed that my pets LOVED me. Boy, was I mistaken! They may care about me, but I think it's just because I provide varied and sunder services for them. I buy them food and treats, I make sure they have toys and clean water, comfortable places to sleep and keep warm and that they are healthy. I provide entertainment and stimulation, as well as a "cushy" place to lay when they decide to crawl into bed with me. I am a possession that exists only to keep them happy and healthy!!
Sometimes it really sucks to be me!
Later.
Saturday, November 29, 2014
Small towns and cawing crows
Usually I write funny/sarcastic stuff on this blog, but today I'm going to be relatively serious.
You see, I have had some experiences while living in Calhoun County that need to be shared, experiences that may help someone else NOT become a homicidal maniac!
Living in a small town is a unique experience. It's something that is difficult to explain to folks who have always lived in cities or even those who have always lived in the country, far away from any town.
Small towns, like the one close to us, are the apex of rumors, lies, deceit and self-righteousness. Anytime you have 400 people living in a place that only has two dollar stores, two drug stores, two restaurants and one grocery store and NOTHING to do, well, let's just say people develop the tendency to "polish" any little tidbit they hear/see.
For instance, you could be seen standing on Main St. in front of the Dollar General store talking to a skinny, sickly looking person and the entire county will hear that you were talking to one of the local meth-heads about a delivery!! Never mind that the person you were actually talking to is going through cancer treatments and has NEVER indulged in ANY type of drug usage. Never mind that you are the heart and soul of sobriety The town gossip, of which there are many, witnessed you talking to she/he doesn't know and automatically judged and then assumed you were making a drug deal. Of course, the previously mentioned gossip doesn't know you either, she/he just knows your name, but that is ENOUGH!
And, God help you if you are a single woman seen talking to a MARRIED MAN!! You and he both will have a reputation that will follow you the rest of your life!! Yup, if the town gossip sees you speaking to that man, she/he will have it all over town that you two are fucking like bunnies and his poor, ignorant wife has no idea!! It's so bad that it could be the local preacher and it would make no difference!
Of course, if you DARE confront the UPSTANDING, CHURCH GOING, RIGHTEOUS gossip, things will only go down hill. You will then be labeled as being a trouble maker,someone that "jumps" poor defenseless old women!! Of course, that "poor defenseless old woman" attends church every Sunday morning and Wednesday night, serves on the Town Council, is a Daughter of the Revolution and would NEVER, EVER, EVER cause trouble for ANYONE!!
Right, and snowmen don't melt in 70 degree weather!
The one particular "gossip" that I'm speaking of seems like truthful and righteous that NOTHING could tarnish her reputation!!
Yup, nothing! LOL
Then there is the "righteous" woman that causes more trouble than head lice in a pre-school! She, who is also an upstanding church goer, forgets that there are those of us that KNOW her oldest child, who was born while her husband served our great Nation in WWII, belonged NOT to his "Father" but to his UNCLE!! Yup, she screwed her brother in law while her beloved husband was risking his life for our freedom!! BUT, that is a well guarded secret and the general public isn't aware that this upstanding, TRUTHFUL, HONEST woman is nothing more or less than a lying bitch who cared for no-one but herself!! So when she made sure the stray cats were shot or poisoned because they were shitting in her flower bed, no one thought too much about it, well, other than those of us with a BRAIN and a HEART! When she began complaining that the birds were shitting on her car, I DID reminded her that the cats that she hated so badly that she had them destroyed, were what kept the bird population in check. Too bad the birds weren't the size of the sedan she loves so well, I would LOVE to see Karma shit on her head!!
The gossips in town will put you in mind of a murder of crows screaming at the neighborhood cat that dared to enter their territory! Cawing crows and lies, what a mixture!!
Anyway, you get the idea about the gossips. So let's move on to what is called the "Good Ole Boy Network". This, in case you don't know, is a group of men, usually related, who hold the "powerful" jobs in the county. They control who does and who doesn't get their roads fixed, their sewer repaired, the raise they've worked so hard for. This bunch of hypocrites control most everything of any importance that happen in the county. Of course, the ravages of time are wearing away at them and soon they will all be pushing up daisies while feeding the worms. Yay for that!! The only problem is that MOST of them reproduced offspring that are just as selfish, closed minded, and ignorant as their fathers. And THOSE idiots are next in line for the "control" of things!! Yup, we are forever doomed to have people in power that are dumber than dog turds.
Then of course, we have the small minds that are the everyday people. Yup, progress has no chance in this wonderful community. We have "high speed" internet that is about the same speed as a snail riding on a turtle's back. Our county records are still in large, leather bound books and if you need to renew your tags or driver's licence you have to go to the next county or else to the "city" of Parkersburg. Our "hospital" is little more than an old veterinary clinic with larger beds and the veterinary clinic is about the size of a ladies room. We have NO dog warden, no humane society, no pet store. We don't even have a feed store!! Used cars are sold in the next county and if you want an actual drink of alcohol you have a choice between the VFW, where you can get beer or malt, or the bar on the other side of the county, where they fight and fuss all the time!!
If you decide to dye your hair a brilliant color of red/blue/yellow/green/whatever people will actually point and laugh, and if you have piercings you are automatically labeled a "weirdo" and avoided at all cost. And if you happen to be gay, well, you will find a whole new type of miserable that you would never have imagined. No, they won't murder/torture you in the physical way, but the will do their best to destroy your spirit and your individuality.
Small town living is shown to be a slower pace and the people as being polite and sweet. Yeah right, polite and sweet as a rabid dog with mange!! The slower part is true, it's so slow that you wonder if the days will ever pass, there is NOTHING to do unless it's football season, and then the only thing to do is go to a High School football game. We do, from time to time, have Bluegrass music in town, it's about 4 times a month and it's mostly locals that have taught themselves to play. Some of them are actually pretty good!! But you can only listen to Bluegrass for so long, especially when it's the same people playing the same songs over and over and over......
If you want to see a movie you have to go 30 miles one way to get to the closest movie theater and it's small, dank and dirty! To go to an actual cinema complex you have to travel at least an hour and a half to get to one! So basically, unless you're into driving, movies are out of the question.
Clubbing? Yeah right, only if you want to spend the night in Morgantown or Clarksburg, and both of them are about 2 hours away. And the clubs they have are okay, but not like what you'll find in KC or Pittsburgh. So basically, you can dance around your house, but you can't dance anywhere else! LOL
Concerts?? The closest thing is the Bluegrass concerts at Glenville College. They have some good groups in from time to time. And of course, you can go to Charleston for big concerts, like big name artists. As a matter of a fact James Taylor is going to be there in a few days!!
Anyway, I guess the whole point of this rant is this, if you don't mind gossip, slander, close mindedness, bigotry and boredom, this is the place to be!! Oh, I forgot something, employment is a BIG problem too, if you don't work for the gas and oil companies, or drive truck, you won't make much of a living. Our teachers, of course, are underpaid, as are teachers all over this country! There are a few employers that pay minimum wage, and nothing that pays the "big bucks". So, add unemployment to the list of wonderful things this place has to offer!!
And for it all, it's a beautiful place with a lot of good hearted, kind, gentle, generous people. Too bad that per capita the assholes have them out numbered! But the scenery is amazing!!
You see, I have had some experiences while living in Calhoun County that need to be shared, experiences that may help someone else NOT become a homicidal maniac!
Living in a small town is a unique experience. It's something that is difficult to explain to folks who have always lived in cities or even those who have always lived in the country, far away from any town.
Small towns, like the one close to us, are the apex of rumors, lies, deceit and self-righteousness. Anytime you have 400 people living in a place that only has two dollar stores, two drug stores, two restaurants and one grocery store and NOTHING to do, well, let's just say people develop the tendency to "polish" any little tidbit they hear/see.
For instance, you could be seen standing on Main St. in front of the Dollar General store talking to a skinny, sickly looking person and the entire county will hear that you were talking to one of the local meth-heads about a delivery!! Never mind that the person you were actually talking to is going through cancer treatments and has NEVER indulged in ANY type of drug usage. Never mind that you are the heart and soul of sobriety The town gossip, of which there are many, witnessed you talking to she/he doesn't know and automatically judged and then assumed you were making a drug deal. Of course, the previously mentioned gossip doesn't know you either, she/he just knows your name, but that is ENOUGH!
And, God help you if you are a single woman seen talking to a MARRIED MAN!! You and he both will have a reputation that will follow you the rest of your life!! Yup, if the town gossip sees you speaking to that man, she/he will have it all over town that you two are fucking like bunnies and his poor, ignorant wife has no idea!! It's so bad that it could be the local preacher and it would make no difference!
Of course, if you DARE confront the UPSTANDING, CHURCH GOING, RIGHTEOUS gossip, things will only go down hill. You will then be labeled as being a trouble maker,someone that "jumps" poor defenseless old women!! Of course, that "poor defenseless old woman" attends church every Sunday morning and Wednesday night, serves on the Town Council, is a Daughter of the Revolution and would NEVER, EVER, EVER cause trouble for ANYONE!!
Right, and snowmen don't melt in 70 degree weather!
The one particular "gossip" that I'm speaking of seems like truthful and righteous that NOTHING could tarnish her reputation!!
Yup, nothing! LOL
Then there is the "righteous" woman that causes more trouble than head lice in a pre-school! She, who is also an upstanding church goer, forgets that there are those of us that KNOW her oldest child, who was born while her husband served our great Nation in WWII, belonged NOT to his "Father" but to his UNCLE!! Yup, she screwed her brother in law while her beloved husband was risking his life for our freedom!! BUT, that is a well guarded secret and the general public isn't aware that this upstanding, TRUTHFUL, HONEST woman is nothing more or less than a lying bitch who cared for no-one but herself!! So when she made sure the stray cats were shot or poisoned because they were shitting in her flower bed, no one thought too much about it, well, other than those of us with a BRAIN and a HEART! When she began complaining that the birds were shitting on her car, I DID reminded her that the cats that she hated so badly that she had them destroyed, were what kept the bird population in check. Too bad the birds weren't the size of the sedan she loves so well, I would LOVE to see Karma shit on her head!!
The gossips in town will put you in mind of a murder of crows screaming at the neighborhood cat that dared to enter their territory! Cawing crows and lies, what a mixture!!
Anyway, you get the idea about the gossips. So let's move on to what is called the "Good Ole Boy Network". This, in case you don't know, is a group of men, usually related, who hold the "powerful" jobs in the county. They control who does and who doesn't get their roads fixed, their sewer repaired, the raise they've worked so hard for. This bunch of hypocrites control most everything of any importance that happen in the county. Of course, the ravages of time are wearing away at them and soon they will all be pushing up daisies while feeding the worms. Yay for that!! The only problem is that MOST of them reproduced offspring that are just as selfish, closed minded, and ignorant as their fathers. And THOSE idiots are next in line for the "control" of things!! Yup, we are forever doomed to have people in power that are dumber than dog turds.
Then of course, we have the small minds that are the everyday people. Yup, progress has no chance in this wonderful community. We have "high speed" internet that is about the same speed as a snail riding on a turtle's back. Our county records are still in large, leather bound books and if you need to renew your tags or driver's licence you have to go to the next county or else to the "city" of Parkersburg. Our "hospital" is little more than an old veterinary clinic with larger beds and the veterinary clinic is about the size of a ladies room. We have NO dog warden, no humane society, no pet store. We don't even have a feed store!! Used cars are sold in the next county and if you want an actual drink of alcohol you have a choice between the VFW, where you can get beer or malt, or the bar on the other side of the county, where they fight and fuss all the time!!
If you decide to dye your hair a brilliant color of red/blue/yellow/green/whatever people will actually point and laugh, and if you have piercings you are automatically labeled a "weirdo" and avoided at all cost. And if you happen to be gay, well, you will find a whole new type of miserable that you would never have imagined. No, they won't murder/torture you in the physical way, but the will do their best to destroy your spirit and your individuality.
Small town living is shown to be a slower pace and the people as being polite and sweet. Yeah right, polite and sweet as a rabid dog with mange!! The slower part is true, it's so slow that you wonder if the days will ever pass, there is NOTHING to do unless it's football season, and then the only thing to do is go to a High School football game. We do, from time to time, have Bluegrass music in town, it's about 4 times a month and it's mostly locals that have taught themselves to play. Some of them are actually pretty good!! But you can only listen to Bluegrass for so long, especially when it's the same people playing the same songs over and over and over......
If you want to see a movie you have to go 30 miles one way to get to the closest movie theater and it's small, dank and dirty! To go to an actual cinema complex you have to travel at least an hour and a half to get to one! So basically, unless you're into driving, movies are out of the question.
Clubbing? Yeah right, only if you want to spend the night in Morgantown or Clarksburg, and both of them are about 2 hours away. And the clubs they have are okay, but not like what you'll find in KC or Pittsburgh. So basically, you can dance around your house, but you can't dance anywhere else! LOL
Concerts?? The closest thing is the Bluegrass concerts at Glenville College. They have some good groups in from time to time. And of course, you can go to Charleston for big concerts, like big name artists. As a matter of a fact James Taylor is going to be there in a few days!!
Anyway, I guess the whole point of this rant is this, if you don't mind gossip, slander, close mindedness, bigotry and boredom, this is the place to be!! Oh, I forgot something, employment is a BIG problem too, if you don't work for the gas and oil companies, or drive truck, you won't make much of a living. Our teachers, of course, are underpaid, as are teachers all over this country! There are a few employers that pay minimum wage, and nothing that pays the "big bucks". So, add unemployment to the list of wonderful things this place has to offer!!
And for it all, it's a beautiful place with a lot of good hearted, kind, gentle, generous people. Too bad that per capita the assholes have them out numbered! But the scenery is amazing!!
Monday, November 24, 2014
Deer don't fly!
Well, once again I have proven how horrible of a blogger I am. It's been a months and months since I've actually even looked at this blog, let alone posted to it!
Now that we have it established that I'm a horrible blogger, let's get on to the real post! LOL
Today is the first day of deer gun season here in Ole West Virginia. It's a beautiful day, one of the warmer we've had this late in the year. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and......the wind is blowing like a two bit hooker on a Friday night!
Usually blowing wind (lol, I know what you're thinking) is not a problem, but this is not just blowing, it's raging like a menopausal woman in the midst of an hour long hot (think hell) flash.
It's so bad that when I let the little fuzzy dog out to pee he looked like a drunk staggering home from a bender. He managed to get to the closest tree to hike his little leg only to be caught by a gust of wind and toppled over. There he lay on the ground looking like some object d'art created by an artist with a twisted sense of humor. Laying on his side, piss shooting into the air, he looked like some twisted fountain labeled "This is what NOT to do".
The wind is whipping around the house like a banshee looking for a dying soul. Screeching at a pitch that makes your blood curdle.
Yet there are hundreds of hunters in the woods! Yup, men, women and children tramping through the timber in search of the elusive deer.
It wouldn't be so bad, but there is a thing called "Deadfall". Usually deadfall is on the ground. It's basically what it sounds like, trees and limbs die and then they fall. But sometimes the falling process is interrupted by the living. Yup, living limbs catch dead ones and prevent them from falling to the ground.
So, when we have raging winds, wild gust, and deadfall hanging in the trees on the first day of deer season we have a recipe for disaster.
I'm sure there will be a news report about someone who either fell from a tree stand, or was blown from a tree stand, or who was injured, if not killed, from limbs falling from the sky! I don't wish it upon anyone, but the simple truth is that it will happen, if it hasn't already.
I don't understand why there is such a torrent of hunters that invade the woods today. I mean, the deer don't migrate, they don't take to wing and fly South for the winter. They pretty much stay within a mile or so of where they were born, grazing on grass, flowers, gardens, whatever and leaving behind massive amounts of deer shit for the dogs to find and roll in or, yuck, eat. The deer will be there tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after, and....well, you get the idea!
And before you start a flurry of comments about the "Trophy Buck", yeah, I get it. If you don't get there first then someone else will shoot that huge twelve point buck! You CANNOT allow that to happen. THAT DEER IS YOURS!! YOU'VE FED IT ALL YEAR!! YOU'VE made sure it got the right minerals to produce those MASSIVE HORNS!!
YOU have BUCK FEVER!! Yup, it's an illness! That's why it's called FEVER!!
I don't understand it, but even women get this mysterious illness that causes them to risk life and limb in a windstorm to sneak around the woods before daylight and sit on the ground or hang from a tree in order to shoot that BIG BUCK!
I hate to break it to y'all, but you can't eat those horns!! And if you hang them on the wall they just get dusty and, if you are unlucky enough to NOT own a cat or two, the mice find them delicious!!!
I have shot a buck, actually I have shot several, but I have never, ever, ever been afflicted with the "Fever".
Unfortunately I have been around those that have.
The first indication of the "Fever" is that they begin searching for the "perfect" place to watch for that "amazing" buck their friend, neighbor, relative saw at such and such place.
At this point one of two things can happen, if they don't catch even a glimpse of the buck in question they will fall into a mild depression immediately followed by chasing a different rumor of a different "amazing" buck.
If they DO see the first buck in question, they will develop the following symptoms:
1. Their eyes will dilate and their nose will flare if anyone else mentions said buck.
2. They will go daily to check for "sign" that said buck in still in area. (see previous about deer migration)
3. They will invest in a myriad of "scent blockers" and "lures" some of which smell like piss, deer piss to be exact. The others range in smell from nothing to OMG who died!
4. They will begin to dream of said buck. Also each and every conversation will include a reference to said buck.
These symptoms will worsen as the FIRST DAY OF DEER SEASON draws near.
Some sufferers will go so far as to NOT shower for days before said first day!!
The night before the coveted day, you should be alert for the following:
1. Restlessness, including constantly checking their guns, ammo, clothing and, of course, the clock.
2. Going to bed early. This is to ensure that they are up and about "before the deer move". Which confuses me beyond belief!! Deer move ALL NIGHT!
3. Trying, in vain, to quietly dress and drag their assorted paraphernalia out to their truck, SUV, 4-wheeler, buggy before the birds even awaken. At this point they usually expect you to prepare them a "quiet" lunch that doesn't "smell", which is an insult to every person who is NOT experiencing the "Fever".
4. Rushing, quietly of course, into the woods to their deer stand, tree stand, blind, vantage point in order to be there when the deer "come out". Again, this confuses me, do the deer go INSIDE the night before season?? Where, exactly, are they coming out of? OR, and this one will piss many, many people off, are the COMING OUT as in OUT of the CLOSET? That would explain the lack of "amazing" bucks.
5. After wasting a day, and usually not even firing a shot, the weary Fever sufferer will return home only to repeat the process the next day.
So while those of us that don't suffer from this affliction enjoy the warmth and comfort of our homes, perhaps venturing out in order to shoot a doe so we can snicker as the "Fever" sufferer enjoys his dinner after a fruitless day, the weary "Fever" victim will usually sink into a even deeper depression as he waits for the perfect buck to wander his way.
Meanwhile, deep in the woods and hollows of West Virginia, thousands of deer are laughing their asses off!
Now that we have it established that I'm a horrible blogger, let's get on to the real post! LOL
Today is the first day of deer gun season here in Ole West Virginia. It's a beautiful day, one of the warmer we've had this late in the year. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and......the wind is blowing like a two bit hooker on a Friday night!
Usually blowing wind (lol, I know what you're thinking) is not a problem, but this is not just blowing, it's raging like a menopausal woman in the midst of an hour long hot (think hell) flash.
It's so bad that when I let the little fuzzy dog out to pee he looked like a drunk staggering home from a bender. He managed to get to the closest tree to hike his little leg only to be caught by a gust of wind and toppled over. There he lay on the ground looking like some object d'art created by an artist with a twisted sense of humor. Laying on his side, piss shooting into the air, he looked like some twisted fountain labeled "This is what NOT to do".
The wind is whipping around the house like a banshee looking for a dying soul. Screeching at a pitch that makes your blood curdle.
Yet there are hundreds of hunters in the woods! Yup, men, women and children tramping through the timber in search of the elusive deer.
It wouldn't be so bad, but there is a thing called "Deadfall". Usually deadfall is on the ground. It's basically what it sounds like, trees and limbs die and then they fall. But sometimes the falling process is interrupted by the living. Yup, living limbs catch dead ones and prevent them from falling to the ground.
So, when we have raging winds, wild gust, and deadfall hanging in the trees on the first day of deer season we have a recipe for disaster.
I'm sure there will be a news report about someone who either fell from a tree stand, or was blown from a tree stand, or who was injured, if not killed, from limbs falling from the sky! I don't wish it upon anyone, but the simple truth is that it will happen, if it hasn't already.
I don't understand why there is such a torrent of hunters that invade the woods today. I mean, the deer don't migrate, they don't take to wing and fly South for the winter. They pretty much stay within a mile or so of where they were born, grazing on grass, flowers, gardens, whatever and leaving behind massive amounts of deer shit for the dogs to find and roll in or, yuck, eat. The deer will be there tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after, and....well, you get the idea!
And before you start a flurry of comments about the "Trophy Buck", yeah, I get it. If you don't get there first then someone else will shoot that huge twelve point buck! You CANNOT allow that to happen. THAT DEER IS YOURS!! YOU'VE FED IT ALL YEAR!! YOU'VE made sure it got the right minerals to produce those MASSIVE HORNS!!
YOU have BUCK FEVER!! Yup, it's an illness! That's why it's called FEVER!!
I don't understand it, but even women get this mysterious illness that causes them to risk life and limb in a windstorm to sneak around the woods before daylight and sit on the ground or hang from a tree in order to shoot that BIG BUCK!
I hate to break it to y'all, but you can't eat those horns!! And if you hang them on the wall they just get dusty and, if you are unlucky enough to NOT own a cat or two, the mice find them delicious!!!
I have shot a buck, actually I have shot several, but I have never, ever, ever been afflicted with the "Fever".
Unfortunately I have been around those that have.
The first indication of the "Fever" is that they begin searching for the "perfect" place to watch for that "amazing" buck their friend, neighbor, relative saw at such and such place.
At this point one of two things can happen, if they don't catch even a glimpse of the buck in question they will fall into a mild depression immediately followed by chasing a different rumor of a different "amazing" buck.
If they DO see the first buck in question, they will develop the following symptoms:
1. Their eyes will dilate and their nose will flare if anyone else mentions said buck.
2. They will go daily to check for "sign" that said buck in still in area. (see previous about deer migration)
3. They will invest in a myriad of "scent blockers" and "lures" some of which smell like piss, deer piss to be exact. The others range in smell from nothing to OMG who died!
4. They will begin to dream of said buck. Also each and every conversation will include a reference to said buck.
These symptoms will worsen as the FIRST DAY OF DEER SEASON draws near.
Some sufferers will go so far as to NOT shower for days before said first day!!
The night before the coveted day, you should be alert for the following:
1. Restlessness, including constantly checking their guns, ammo, clothing and, of course, the clock.
2. Going to bed early. This is to ensure that they are up and about "before the deer move". Which confuses me beyond belief!! Deer move ALL NIGHT!
3. Trying, in vain, to quietly dress and drag their assorted paraphernalia out to their truck, SUV, 4-wheeler, buggy before the birds even awaken. At this point they usually expect you to prepare them a "quiet" lunch that doesn't "smell", which is an insult to every person who is NOT experiencing the "Fever".
4. Rushing, quietly of course, into the woods to their deer stand, tree stand, blind, vantage point in order to be there when the deer "come out". Again, this confuses me, do the deer go INSIDE the night before season?? Where, exactly, are they coming out of? OR, and this one will piss many, many people off, are the COMING OUT as in OUT of the CLOSET? That would explain the lack of "amazing" bucks.
5. After wasting a day, and usually not even firing a shot, the weary Fever sufferer will return home only to repeat the process the next day.
So while those of us that don't suffer from this affliction enjoy the warmth and comfort of our homes, perhaps venturing out in order to shoot a doe so we can snicker as the "Fever" sufferer enjoys his dinner after a fruitless day, the weary "Fever" victim will usually sink into a even deeper depression as he waits for the perfect buck to wander his way.
Meanwhile, deep in the woods and hollows of West Virginia, thousands of deer are laughing their asses off!
Monday, February 17, 2014
Holiness, snakes and dying
"Pastor" Jamie Coots of the Full Gospel Tabernacle
in Middlesboro KY has died. He was bitten by a rattle snake during a Church
service on Saturday night, and, as per his religion, he refused medical
attention. He died mere hours after the
EMS team BEGGED him to go to the hospital.
He was the "pastor" of a Holiness church in KY, by Holiness, I
mean a snake handling, poison drinking, jumpin' and hollerin' church. Now, as someone who was raised in the midst
of this type of religion, and who has, on more occasions than I can to recall,
be in a church that believes in snake handling, I find that I have mixed
emotions when I hear this news.
For those of you who don’t know, Jamie Coots appeared on a
reality show called Snake Salvation on the Netgeo channel. He had already been bitten twice, and had
lost most of his middle finger (which rotted, yeah, ROTTED off) because of a
snake bite. He never sought medical
attention for any of the bites he received during Church services.
I can understand WHY they believe as they do, because of a
literal interpretation of the words in Mark 16: 17-18, which says (KJV)
"(17) And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall
they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues; (18) They shall take
up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they
shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover."
That simple passage is what their belief in snake handling
and poison drinking is based on.
Growing up not far from a Holiness church, and attending
services more than I care to remember, I realize that many of the people that
attended these services when I was a child did not know how to read. Most of them were from coal mine families
where simply surviving was much more important than receiving an education. There is no shame in that, particularly when
you realize that I was a child in the 60’s.
Most of these people didn’t read the Bible, they took the Preacher’s
word for what it said and what it meant.
The prejudices that were held by the Preacher were usually held by the
members of the Church simply because they DID NOT KNOW BETTER.
But does that make it right?
Now, before many of you start flipping out on me, I will
NEVER say that the Bible is wrong. I
WILL say that the Creator gave us a very rare gift, and it is called COMMON
SENSE. He gave it to us to USE and
common sense tells us DO NOT PICK UP A RATTLE SNAKE AND RUB IT ON YOUR
FACE!!
Many Churches today still believe in speaking in tongues and
laying on hands. Many of them anoint an
ill person with oil and “lift them up in prayer”. Most of them believe that a person can be
inhabited by the “spirit” of evil. ALL
of them do wondrous, positive things for uncountable thousands. Churches aren’t all bad, not by a long
shot.
But places like the Full Gospel Tabernacle in KY and the
Westboro Baptist Church in KS, well, they leave me with a feeling far removed
from FAITH. They leave me with fear and confusion.
Westboro is quite simply a large group of bigots and neo-Nazis
who enjoy hurting those around them.
They gather in the name of “God” to tear down, belittle and emotionally
damage people around them. They are all
the things I believe a Church should NOT be.
No-one should teach HATE in the name of GOD.
Now, the Full Gospel tabernacle, that’s a different
story. I am sure that the Full Gospel
Tabernacle did many positive things for its members and most probably for its
community, I don’t believe that they are a positive force in the grand scheme
of things.
Like I said, I have been to a snake handling service (don’t
ask) and I have felt the maniacal glee that surrounds the believers, it’s a
feeling that is indescribable. They have so much faith, so much passion for
what they are doing that it literally fills the room.
But so do serial killers.
I’ve never attended anything having to do with the Westboro
bunch, nor would I ever. They seem to be
a large collection of hateful people bent on the destruction of anyone who
dares NOT believe as they do. They have
driven more people AWAY from the Church than they have ever brought to it. (The same can be said of the Holiness
Churches, I’m a prime example)
I guess it comes down to something very simple for me. Today, when I heard the news of Jamie Coots
death, I was sad for his family and for those you loved him. I wasn’t surprised that he died of a snake
bite, I have known of others in this religion who have. I wasn’t surprised that he refused medical
attention, his faith told him that he would be safe if he simply believed and
that if he sought medical attention that he would surely go to Hell. A small part of me felt vindicated, as
horrible as that sounds. I have always
known that handling snakes was a dumb thing to do and that, although God
protects idiots and children, sooner or later you will get bitten.
But the thing that struck me the most was a simple memory
from my childhood.
I had left a Church service where they brought out some
snakes. My Granny was upset with me and
she asked me why I had left. I told her something
very simple that still to this day holds true.
I said, “There is a thin line between faith and stupidity. Handling snakes crosses that line.”
Was Jamie Coots stupid?
Or was it simply his time to move on?
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