It’s good to be Queen…..

Here we go, another installment of Nearly Departed.  If you’ve been following the story you know that things are changing for our little ghoul, Lisa.  But she’s not the only one who is experience some upheavals in existence.

Across town a battle raged.  Chairs broke and glass shattered. 

Lucifer was unhappy.  And when Lucifer is unhappy there was literal hell to pay.

“Sit down!”  Momma Fred said in a deadpan voice.  “You’re making things worse with your bullshit right now.  I don’t have time to deal with your tender emotions.”

Lucifer whirled to face her.  His looked insane, his hair stood on end, foam flecked his lips and his eyes were red rimmed and bright.  Gone was the immaculately dressed business man, in his place stood a crazed serial killer deprived of his victim.  He glared at Fred, hatred gleaming in his eyes as he lapping the blood from her gutted corpse.

“Sit down?  You want me to sit down?”  Sarcasm dripped from his dead voice, “Should I tidy up the place first, or does her majesty want me to sit on the floor at her feet?”

His sarcasm only served to fan the flame of anger in Fred’s breast.  He thought he was so important, so powerful, and here he was, taken down a few notches by a living, breathing ghoul.  A creature that had never before existed had simply walked in and batted her big, blue eyes and the big, bad hard-ass that was always in control simply vanished, leaving behind a pitiful example of a smitten male.  If it wasn’t for the fact that they were both screwed, blued and tattooed, she would have laughed.  Seeing Mr. Wall Street badass lose his shit was at the very top of her bucket list.

It’s good to be Queen Shit from time to time.

“Just sit down, Lucy.  We have to make some plans.”  Fred’s voice didn’t betray the satisfaction she felt in seeing him such an emotional mess.   “Death has her now, and we have to get her back before he takes her back.”

It hadn’t been easy to get a life, a new, fresh, unlived life to give to Lisa.  Of course the stupid girl had no idea what she possessed, if she did she could destroy them all and leave the world in rubble, but she had no idea.  She was such an easily controlled little thing, always had been. 

From the first moment Fred laid eyes on the silly girl, she had begun to formulate a plan.  Thirty years of planning and maneuvering, of plotting and taking outrageous risk, all for nothing.  If she could blast that idiot Death back to hell for his interference she would. 

But of course, that was an impossibility.  Not to mention the shit storm of death it would cause.

So here they were, attempting to get a modicum of control over the situation.

While Fred had been pondering the events that led to their current situation, Lucifer had been composing himself.  His full lips were no longer specked with foam and his hair was once again perfectly coiffed.  He looked every bit the businessman that he pretended to be.

“Let me get this straight”, he began as he paced across the room, “you ‘accidently’ sprinkled the sandwich you gave her with a new, unlived life, which caused her to become, for lack of another explanation, a ‘real girl’ once again.  Do I have the correct?”

Even when he attempted to be decent he was still a bastard of the purest form.

“Yes.”  She said.  “I thought I had grabbed some preservative to help keep her from deteriorating worse.  She’d refused to eat human meat, or any type of meat for that matter.  Those wretched salads were just hurrying her decomposing.”

Lisa always had been a problem child.

“So, you’re saying it was an accident that our little puppet is now a living, breathing human?”  Lucifer repeated.

Fred toyed with the truth.  If he knew what Lisa had become it could be disastrous.

“She’s not actually human.” Fred decided a little bit of truth make it easier to hide the facts of the matter.  “She’s something else, she’s still dead, but not dead dead.”

“Not ‘dead dead’!!  What the fuck does that mean?”  Lucifer was on the verge of losing it again.  “What exactly is not ‘dead dead’?”

“Well, her heart is beating, she’s breathing and she doesn’t have to munch on humans to keep from turning into a stinking rotting bag of meat.  That’s what not dead dead means.”  Fred was getting aggravated.  She couldn’t tell him what Lisa had become, but she couldn’t lie about the situation either.  She had to keep the most important tidbit about Lisa’s new existence from ever coming to light.  “I’m not really sure what she is, but she’s not a ghoul or a zombie, she’s not a human either.  She’s something else.”

Lucifer stopped in his tracks.  He realized what Lisa had become, but he knew if Fred knew he knew, he would have no control over the outcome of this royal fuck up.

“So, she’s no longer one of yours, and she’s not one of mine, so she is up for grabs.  Is that what you’re telling me?”  Lucifer knew he needed to act ignorant of the importance of the situation. 

“I suppose you could put it that way.  But I think she’s still under my control to a certain extent.”  Fred wasn’t sure, but she sure as hell didn’t want him to know that.  “I just need to talk to her.  Once she hears my voice she should be easy to control.”

Yeah, right.

“Should be?”  Lucifer asked.  “She should be easy to control, but she might not be, right?”

“Maybe.” Fred hated to admit any more than she absolutely had to.  She realized she was on thin ice right now, and any misstep would draw her under.

“I guess we’ll never know if Death continues to hide her from us, now will we?”  The fact that the sucker of human souls had managed to hide not only himself, but Lisa as well rankled him.  No one had ever been able to hide from Lucifer before.  Oh a few had given him a little trouble in locating them, but no one had ever completely disappeared from his view.

“How is it that he can hide from you?”  Fred couldn’t help but to prod that sore point just a little.  “I thought you had eyes on every creature that exist.  Did something change?”

“No, nothing’s changed”, Lucifer mocked.  “I just haven’t found him yet, but I will.  Oh yes, I will and when I do….”

“Yeah, yeah, you’ll go all big bad on him.”  Fred was tired of hearing his threats.  They both knew he could do nothing to Death, and more importantly, Death knew it as well.  “I’ve heard you bitch and rant all night, and I’m sick of it.   We have more important things to deal with than whatever games you want to play on Skeletor.”

Fred was always coming up with not so nice names for people.  It was one of her more annoying habits, that and zapping people only to reanimate them under her control.  She was a cold bitch, but she could be funny sometimes.

Lucifer bit his tongue, the last thing he needed right now was a feud with the Voodoo Queen.  And she was definitely be a Queen, in every sense of the word.  From what he had heard ‘she’ was actually a ‘he’ or at least partly.  He’d never wanted to get under her robes, but he’d heard from more than a few of the multitude that had made that journey.  And a long, strange trip it turned out to be for them.

He sat down in the comfort of his expensive desk chair.  The leather cradled him, leeching the tension from his tight, tense muscles.  Taking a deep breath, he sank deeper into the comfortable chair.  Momma Fred was still rambling on, her voice as irritating as the buzzing of a wasp. 

“LUCIFER!”  Fred’s voice was as sharp as a dagger.  “You’re not listening to a word I’m saying!  Get your shit together boy!”

Lucifer stiffened at being called ‘boy’.  Fred knew that it was a hot point with him, and she used it each and every opportunity she could.

“What!”  Lucifer allowed some of his anger to seep into his voice.  He’d had about all he could take of this old, decrepit….

“Don’t think I didn’t hear that!  Just because you didn’t allow it to leave your mouth doesn’t mean it didn’t reach my ears!”   Fred’s voice was low and tight with suppressed rage.  Of all the Supernaturals in creation, only Lucifer knew her true age and what was hidden beneath the glamour that dazzled the rest of the world.  “I will take you down a notch or two, BOY, and you know that I am capable of it.”

The threat was a real one, he knew from hard experience that Fred was not to be trifled with.  She was a creature of immense power who controlled more of the Supernatural world than any other being.  Even Lucifer’s father, Satan, feared the Voodoo Queen.  And that spoke volumes, no one caused Satan to tremble in fear other than the Creator and this creature before him.

“I’m going home.  You can sit here and stew for the rest of the night, but I have things to do."  Without waiting for him to answer, Momma Fred flounced out of the room, leaving Lucifer to pout about the unfairness of life.

I hope you’re enjoying the story so far!  I love to hear from y’all, so please, take a moment to leave me a comment below, or email me at negotiableinsanity@gmail.com

I’ll be back soon with another installment of Nearly Departed!

Okay, so I’m not dead?

Another short installment of Nearly Departed!!  Enjoy!  And please, leave a comment on this post.  I really enjoy hearing from y’all!!

Walking through rooms that held museum quality artwork, Lisa pondered what she should do next.  Mitch (damn it was strange calling him that) had told Lucifer that not even the minions could find them, and if that were true it meant she had some time to recoup and try to figure out a few things.

Then there was the undeniable attraction she felt for old both of the men (yeah, she realized that she was using that term in the widest sense possible).  Being alone in this big old mansion with one of the sexiest men she had ever laid eyes on, even if he was technically the reason she was dead, or almost dead, or whatever the fuck she was, could be a very interesting proposition.   And one she would no doubt enjoy.

Sneaking a glance at him, she noticed that Mitch was more relaxed than she had ever seen him.  But of course, she had only seen him when he was doing one or another of his jobs, and never at home.  He always looked good, but now, with his hair tousled and his shirt open at the neck, he looked down right yummy.

She grinned as the blush rose up in his cheeks again.  It was fun messing with him, although the whole reading her mind thing would get old quick, it served to ease the tension she was feeling.  She knew it couldn’t last, but what the hell, enjoy while one could.

“So”, Mitch spoke softly, almost as though she would bolt at the sound of his voice, “are you hungry?  I’ve got a very well stocked pantry and I actually know how to cook.”

She grinned at the hint of pride in his voice when he said he could cook, but what difference did it make to her, she was tied to a very strict, very gross diet that she hated.  It was doubtful that he had a carcass in his pantry, although being Death and all, he might.

“Come on into the kitchen.  I could use a cup of coffee and there is a lot that we need to discuss.”  Mitch didn’t wait for her to follow, he just turned and headed toward down the hall to the left.

Shaking her head at the audacity of the male sex, she hurried behind him.  If they actually had stuff to talk about she wanted a cup of coffee to keep her focused.  Turning the corner she stopped dead in her tracks, before her was the most ornate and beautiful kitchen she had ever seen.  Even magazine failed to portray this kind of beauty.

Taking it all in, she slowly stepped into the room.  Mitch was at the counter adding a coffee pod to some kind of expensive looking coffee maker.  She had never seen such a contraption, the only coffee maker she had ever used was an old, beat up Mr. Coffee and it had seen better days.  The gleaming mountain of steel that Mitch stood before began to omit the delicious scent of fresh coffee drawing Lisa deeper in the kitchen.

“Have a seat.”  Mitch spoke without turning, “I’ll just be a moment.”

Lisa giggled at the proper way he spoke.  She wasn’t used to hearing him use such proper English, he usually sounded like every other cab driver in the city, brash and a little under educated.  Now he sounded like an English professor not a cab driver.  She sat down and looked his direction, once again she became distracted by his perfect, tight ass.  The things she could do….

“Stop it!” Mitch sounded annoyed.  “We don’t have time for that right now, not to mention that I am a living being, not a display for you to fantasize about.”

Turning around with two cups of coffee in hand, he sat one down in front of Lisa and scooted the sugar her way.  Opening the stainless steel refrigerator, he grabbed two different flavors of creamer and sat them down next to the sugar.

“Help yourself”, he said.  “I have to check on something really quickly, but I’ll be right back.”

Without waiting for her to reply, Mitch left the room, his footsteps echoing in the large kitchen. 

Reaching for the creamer, Lisa realized that she was actually relaxed.   Stirring the coffee with one long fingernail, she gazed at her reflection in the stainless steel door.  There was something different about her appearance, she wasn’t sure what it was and at the moment it didn’t seem that important, but it was there and she had noticed it.  Taking a sip of her coffee, she turned her head slightly to the left then to the right, noticing every detail of her slightly distorted reflection.

The sound of Mitch’s footsteps brought her to the present, turning to watch him enter the kitchen she was astounded by what she saw.  Mitch had shed his ‘work clothes’ as he called them and donned a pair of thin, cotton pajama bottoms.  His shirt was gone and in its place was a thin cotton robe that matched the pajama bottoms perfectly.  The robe was open at the chest, barely held closed by a long, thin piece of matching cord that served as a belt.  On his feet was a pair of camo house shoes, their laces untied and the strings hanging off to the sides.

He stopped just as he entered the kitchen.  It was obvious that she had been checking him out, and he seemed to be enjoying it for a change, although the touch of red on his cheeks told her he was still slightly shy around her.  Tilting his head, he made his eyes big and stuck out his tongue.  As she dissolved into laughter, he walked to the counter and took a seat, his large hand reaching for his coffee.

He watched her, his brown eyes solemn, as she fought to get control of herself.  She was more tired than she realized and that made it difficult to control her laughter, but with one final gust of mirth, she finally settled down.

“Feel better?”  His voice was as smooth as butter.  “Sometimes we just need to laugh at the absurdity of life.”

Sitting across from her, he toyed with is coffee cup.  She could tell he had something on his mind, but wasn’t quite ready to discuss it.

“So”, she said, “are you going to clue me in on what the fuck has been going on?” 

She could tell that her question had stunned him.  He was hoping to ease into this conversation, but she wasn’t about to allow that to happen, too much shit had taken place for her to be patient any longer than necessary.

Mitch fidgeted in his chair.  He wasn’t sure where to start, so he just sighed, took a sip of his cooling coffee and began.

“Well, I guess the easiest way to explain would to just answer your questions.  Go for it, ask me anything.”  He knew he wasn’t ready for this, but she wasn’t about to let it go.

Lisa just stared at him.  She couldn’t believe it was going to be this easy, there had to be a catch.  If he knew what was going on then he had to be involved in it to some extent, she just didn’t know what that extent was.

“Okay, well”, she stuttered, “how long have I been missing?  I mean, I was missing, right?”

“Yeah, you were missing.  No one had seen or heard from you since you went for that bogus interview over a week ago.  Fred had been blowing up your phone, but you never answered, I stopped by Hell Inc. and was told that you left a few hours after you got there, which was bullshit and I knew it.  Anyway”, he took another sip of the coffee, grimaced and got up to refresh it, “when Fred caught up with me, you’d been missing three days, that was last Monday.”

Fiddling around with the coffee maker, Mitch fell silent.  He expected her to blow up, Lisa was well known for her white hot temper.  Her calm silent acceptance was almost frightening.  It wasn’t like she could hurt him or anything, but she could make his home, and his life, a battle ground.  Although he had already started on that path when he blew off Lucifer and Fred.  There would be a price to pay for that particular impulse.

Returning to the table, he reached for her cup to refresh her coffee.  She grabbed his wrist in a strong, angry grip.

“Sit down and talk to me”, she demanded.  “This is my life we’re discussing and I want you to be straight with me.”

Sighing again, he took his seat.  This was going to be more difficult than he had assumed.

“Here’s the deal.  I’ll tell you everything, but you have to stay calm.  Let me finish and then you can ask questions.  Deal?”  He stuck out his hand.  Sparks flew when she grasp it in her warm palm.  Refusing to let her hand go, he turned it slightly, looking for the telltale signs of the darkened skin those of her kind couldn’t hide.

“Do you notice how pink your skin is?”  He asked, watching her face for the realization to dawn.  “Have you noticed anything since you walked out of that building?”

Instead of giving her time to answer, he dug his thumbnail into the soft, tender skin of her thumb.  A bead of bright, red blood welled to the top.  She jerked, attempting to pull away from the pain when it hit her. 

She could feel pain.  She hadn’t felt pain in a couple of decades, and now she could actually feel pain.  And there was blood, red blood.  Ghouls didn’t bleed often, it was difficult for the thick, black goo that clogged their veins to seep to the surface.  Usually if they sustained an injury it caused a flap or a chunk of reanimated meat to flap around, but bleed.  Nope, not something that happened when you were technically dead.

But then again, that whole damn panties thing that she had going on with Lucifer wasn’t normal for a dead girl either.  Damp was NOT a friend to a dead creature, it lead to mold, mildew and, ewwww, fungus.

Crotch fungus was not a girl’s best friend.

Mitch prepared himself for a freak out.  He figured she wouldn’t be able to handle being a living, well sort of living, creature again.  He expected crying, screaming, hysteria.  What he didn’t expect was laughter.

It began as a quiet giggle, just a quick escape of air released through the nose, then it grew to a storm of guffaws.  Rolling, belling shaking, tear rolling laughter. 

The tears rolling down her cheek were the last straw, she reached up a hand and captured one on the tip of her finger before she slowly sank to the floor.

‘Well, hell’, he thought.  ‘I guess I should have expected that, she has been known to faint at the drop of a hat and this was more of a boulder from the sky than a hat from a hook.’

Kneeling beside her, he gently ran a thumb across her blood red, moist lips.  She was even more beautiful now than she had been that fateful day when he lured her to her death.  He wondered if he would ever forgive her.

Shaking his head, he wrapped his arms around her and lifted her from the floor.  He carried her gently out of the room, heading for the nice, soft bed he had made up especially for her.  There would be no more talking tonight, he would sit by her side and watch over her as she finally rested.  Maybe tomorrow would bring a respite from the insanity that had become both of their existence.

This could be fun!!

Since y’all were so good at asking, here is another installment of Nearly Departed.  Hope you enjoy it!!  And please, leave a comment at the bottom of the page!!

Lisa’s head was spinning as she exited the elevator.  There hadn’t been any music to distract her today, so she kept playing that damn “angel” thing over and over in her head.  It made sense in a twisted type of way, his name was Lucifer after all.  The Bible called the fallen angel Lucifer, and Momma Fred had called him an angel.  But damn, THE Lucifer??  That was way too much to deal with.

And that “one of mine” statement.  Not to mention the “still alive” thing.  What the fuck did Momma Fred mean by that?  Was it because she had brought Lisa back from the dead?  Or was it something else?  Lisa had never heard Fred claim any of the others, and there were plenty of others.   And none of there were actually “alive” just reanimated.  Sort of.

Looking around for a ride, Lisa wondered where Death and his cab was.  Public transportation had never been easy in this town, there was never anything around when you needed it, and when you didn’t, they would literally run you down.  Lisa knew that for a fact, seeing as how her death was at the tires of a city bus.

Heaving a sigh, she started walking toward the bus stop.  She hated to ride the damn things, particularly since losing her life to one, but it seemed like she had no choice.  There was no way she could walk the twenty blocks to her apartment in these heels.

Almost as if he knew she would need him, Death pulled up to the curb in his disturbingly colored cab.  Like most Supernaturals, Death was flashy.  His cab would appear to be whatever wild mixture of colors that fit his mood, she had seen it look like a Madi’ Gras float on more than one occasion.  Today, however, it was a sickening mixture of rust and lime green, not something to look upon if you have a weak stomach.  The passenger door opened silently.  She stood staring at the disturbing sight for a moment, shrugged and climbed into the front seat.  After all, she was already dead, it’s not like he was hunting her for her soul or anything, he was just being a friend.

Sinking into the luxurious leather seat, Lisa closed her eyes for a second and enjoyed the absolute silence.  It only took a few seconds for it to hit her that she had never heard silence in Death’s cab.  Twisting to her left, she glanced at the incarnation of Death.  His long dark hair was tousled, giving him that ‘just got out of bed and don’t give a damn’ look that she so loved.  One errant strand hung down over his eye, hiding his expression from view.  His hands were encased in black leather driving gloves that strained to meet the cuffs of his muted black silk shirt.

She sat there staring at him, thinking that he was one perfect specimen of sexy. Neither of them spoke as he eased away from the curb and slid into traffic.  She figured he was taking her to her apartment, maybe they would be able to talk there since he didn’t seem to want to now.  But when he took a left at Madison, instead of the right that would take them to Pine Street where her apartment was, she realized that he had something else in mind.

She knew it wouldn’t do any good to demand to know where they were headed, so she relaxed and sank deeper into the leather seat.  She dozed off in seconds.
Death relaxed when her breathing became even.  He always had a difficult time relaxing around her, he couldn’t help the attraction he felt for the little ghoul, her scent had always intoxicated him.  And now that the crazy Voodoo bitch had pulled her dirty trick, Lisa was even more desirable.  She no longer smelled of death and the grave, no she smelled of flowers in sunlight, rain on a green field, life.  She smelled of life.

She hadn’t realized that she was no longer technically dead, that she had to breathe and eat real food, not just the carrion sandwiches she despised so much.  He was sure that she felt different, she had to.  It wasn’t every day that a not so dead thing became an honest to goodness living creature.  There would be seven different types of hell to pay for that one, but it was already done and now they had to do the best they could.

The traffic had thinned since they left the city behind.  He took a second to glance her way, taken by the beauty that even the grave couldn’t hide.  Her hair was even more luxurious, falling in curls and waves around her heart shaped face.  There was a faint line, a scar that ran across her left eyebrow, he had watched over her when she fell as a child and bashed her head . He was supposed to take her then, but he refused, he knew that this one was special. 

His back still ached from the lashing he had taken all those years ago.

It had been worth it.

And now here she was, alone with him and headed to his country home.  The only place the others wouldn’t find him, he had made sure of it.  Years of conjuring, more years of study and the lives of thousands had been risked to ensure that he had a place where no one could ever ferret him out, a place he could finally be alone with the woman who had stolen his heart when she was just a child.

Turning off the highway onto a two lane road, Death was alert to anyone following them.  He wouldn’t put it above those two idiots at the office to send someone to watch Lisa.  When he realized he was the only one on the road he gassed the Death-mobile (as he called it) and shot off into the falling dusk.

Within minutes he was at the entrance to his estate.  The large iron gates responded to his mental order to open and he maneuvered the cab off the road and onto the private drive.  The gates slammed shut behind him, locking Lisa and himself from the view of any other creature in existence.  He had planned for years to get her here, and now that she was with him, he was scared to death.  Which was funny, seeing as how he WAS Death.

Smiling at his thoughts, he slowed as the house came into view. The lights blazed in joy at the arrival of their master, he didn’t visit as much as he once had. 

Easing to a stop, he turned to look at Lisa.  She was still sleeping, her hair tangled around her face, her eyes moved under the lids, tempting him to touch her so he could see if she were dreaming of him.  He resisted only because he feared her dreams were of a much darker being, one that desired her as much as he did.


“Lisa?” His voice was soft, almost as though he didn’t want to wake her. “Wake up honey, we’re here.”

Lisa’s head turned and her eyes slowly opened.  As they focused on his face a grin played about her lips, giving him hope that he was the star of her recent dream. 

“Hi”, she said. “You’re not mad at me anymore.”

The vulnerability in her voice cut him to the quick.  The fact that she thought he had been mad was bad enough, but to cause her pain because he didn’t deny it was more than he could bear.

“I’ve never been angry with you.  You have my heart, Lisa, don’t you know that?"  His voice was laced with desire, his eyes almost black with lust.  “I have always wanted your happiness, no matter the price.”

Not knowing how to respond, she glanced out of the window and stared at the looming mansion in front of them.  The lights blazed in every window, giving off warmth and sense of peace.  The grounds were immaculate, every bush and flower perfect in its beauty.

“Where are we, Death?”  Her voice left breathless by the beauty surrounding them.

“We are at my home, Lisa. You will always be safe here.”  He sighed, realizing that she had called him by his title, not his name.   Perhaps she didn’t realize that he even had a name. “And please, call me Mitch.”

Surprise made her eyes open a little wider, she hadn’t realized he even had a name other than Death.

“I thought your name was Death.  You mean it’s not?” Lisa was clearly confused.  But then again, so were most people when they realized he was more than his job. “Why have you never told me?”

“Death is my title, it’s my job.  I am more than a job, Lisa, I am a man.  A strange man, but a man none the less.  My name is Mitch Michaels.  I was recruited to be Death over a thousand years ago.”  Mitch watched as the emotions played across her face, he hoped she could accept what he was about to tell her.  “I have been Death so long that most every being has forgotten that I am more than the soul snatching office I hold.  I didn’t tell you before because I had hoped that there would never be a reason to.  But now things are different.  Now you need to know.”

Lisa’s eyebrows drew down, confusion darkened her features. A s she started to question him, her phone rang.  The ring tone told her that it was Momma Fred, and the fact that she called the cell told her that the Voodoo Queen was pissed off.  The only time she would lower herself to use a phone was when she was pissed off, and a pissed off Voodoo High Priestess was NOT something to fuck around with.

As she grabbed her phone to answer it, Mitch snatched it from her hand.  She started to protest, but he placed his finger across her lips and she found herself silenced.

“What?” His voice was dark and dangerous as he answered the phone.

“Death?  What the fuck are you doing there?  Where is she? I need to talk to Lisa right this second!”  Lisa could hear Momma Fred’s voice from across the car. She was definitely pissed off.  “Put her on the phone. NOW!”

“Fuck off, you repugnant want to be!  You and that piece of shit you’re sitting beside of managed to totally screw the pooch.  If you think I’m going to allow you to fuck it up any worse, you are crazier than a bedbug!”  Mitch’s voice was heavy with sarcasm and anger.  His eyes flashed red and his hair seemed to move on its own.  Lisa knew she should be afraid, but hearing him say those things to Momma Fred made her feel better than anything had in the last twenty years.  “And stop looking around for us, we are nowhere you will ever find us.  Put the turd on the phone, I have something to say to him.”

Lucifer must have heard the entire conversation, because he snatched the phone from the hand of the screaming Momma Fred.

“Who the fuck do you think you are?” Lucifer’s voice was dangerously soft.  His anger was out of control.  “Bring her back here. NOW!”

Mitch laughed.  His laughter rang out like a church bell on a clear night.  Lisa could hear Lucifer cursing on the other end of the line, but Mitch’s laughter drowned out most of the words leaving only the general feeling of anger and desperation. 

Finally getting himself under control, Mitch winked at Lisa and blew her a kiss.

“Look Lucy, Lisa is with me, she is safe and she is comfortable.  I am going to explain this mess you and that grave robbing bitch has gotten us into and then she can make up her own mind as to what she wants to do.”  Mitch was smiling as he cursed both Lucifer and Fred. Lisa was stunned.  “And, don’t bother trying to find us, even your minions won’t be able to pull that one off.  Tell that putrid bitch that I said to calm the fuck down and have a drink.  It’s going to be along night for the two of you!”

Lucifer screamed, a sound of pure rage poured from the handset, causing Lisa to cover her ears as tears of pain sprang to her eyes.

“ENOUGH!”  Mitch’s voice had changed to one of command.  “You two made this mess, now live with it! I am done!”

Without waiting for response he pushed the off button and threw the phone into the back seat.  Smiling at Lisa, he shut off the car, got out and walked to the passenger side.  Opening her door, he held out his hand to help her out.  Confused, she placed her hand in his and exited the car.

“Welcome to my home, Lisa.  You are the first guest I’ve ever had.”  Still holding her hand he led her toward the door.  “We have a lot to talk about, but first I think we should grab a bite to eat, okay?”

Lisa could only shake her head as she realized she was hungry.  Really hungry, like when she was alive type of hungry.

Entering the large foyer, Lisa looked around.  The marble floors gleamed and reflected the light from a thousand chandeliers, painting grace the walls and fresh flowers lightly scented the air.  If this was how Death lived maybe it wasn’t such a bad gig.

Turning to Mitch she smiled.  ‘This could be fun’, was the first thought that crossed her mind.

“Yes it could!!” He answered.

She had forgotten he could ‘read’ her. Smiling again, she thought about a glorious dinner, followed by hot sex.  Glancing at Mitch, she could tell by the red of his cheeks that he had caught that thought as well.

“Yeah, this could definitely be fun!”  She said as she started to explore her temporary home.

Stay turned for more of The Nearly Departed!!  Part ten is in the works as we speak!!

And so it begins…….

What has happened to Lisa?  Is she safe?  Or at least as safe as a dead girl can be…….And Lucifer, is he actually the Devil or is he simply a devilish man in an expensive suit?
Let’s continue our long, strange trip……..
 
“What the Fuck do you think you’re doing??” Fred’s voice raised a decimal with every word. “You know she is one of mine! Damn dumb angel!”

At the word angel Lisa’s head swung toward Lucifer, only to swing back toward Momma Fred’s. From a distance she looked as though she was watching a tennis match.

“Do. Not. Call. Me. That!” Lucifer’s tan face darkened as he seemed to grow in height.

Oblivious to the apparent threat, Momma Fred’s eyes blazed. Her hair seemed to wither with power as a faint glow emanated from her form.

“You DARE!” Fred’s voice was brittle with anger. “You know what is at stake here, you know all the ramifications of this little game you’re playing. AND you know that you are about to piss me off!”

Lisa was transfixed by the exchange unfolding before her. The tension in the room seemed to twist and twirl around her only to settle in her chest. A strange tightness clenched at the muscles of her abdomen, and her arms felt heavy and leaden.

‘This must be what a heart attack feels like’, she thought, only to giggle hysterically at the thought of a dead girl having a heart attack.

Laughter bubbled and rolled in her form. Her arms began to tingle and her hands burned and itched. Then, like a light switching on, she knew. She knew what was happening and what she had to do to prevent the disaster that was about to take place.

Thoughts and fears battled in her mind as she watched, transfixed, as Momma Fred took a menacing step toward Lucifer and placed her palm against his chest. Sparks of power began to dance and sing around them, until they were blocked from her sight.

“STOP!” Her voice was so powerful and strong that every single piece of glass in the room shattered, showering them all in dangerous shards. “I have had enough!”

Lucifer and Fred both whirled to stare at her in amazement. The power that had surrounded them only seconds ago faded and winked out like a mystical firefly. Silence blanketed them like deep, soft batting.

“Momma”, Lisa said, looking toward the powerful Voodoo Priestess to whom she owed her existence, “you know that I love you, but you have to stop. Now.”
Momma Fred was stunned by the audacity of one of her own giving her an order. She puffed up, twice her normal size and prepared to wipe this little chit from the face of the Earth, plans be damned.
Before she could so much as move, Lisa threw out her hand, freezing the Voodoo Queen in place. Sighing heavily, Lisa shook her head and sighed, something that dead bodies usually aren’t capable of.

“Don’t.” Her voice was soft and soothing. “You know I’m right. You need to stop before you do something that you will regret, that I will regret. Go on home, Momma, I’ll be there directly and then you can blast me. But for now, just go.”

Without waiting for an answer, Lisa flipped her wrist and Momma Fred winked out of the room.

Lucifer watched the emotions that darted across Lisa’s face. Astonishment, fear, shock and understanding waged war in her eyes. 

Then, like a light blazing to life in a dark room, her expression relaxed and understanding took the place of the stronger, more dangerous emotions that had momentarily threated to overcome her.

“Stop staring at me.” Her voice was as soft and gentle as a kitten. “I don’t know what is going on, but I do know that I could destroy you right this instant, so stop. I won’t ask again.”

When Lisa raised her head to look at him, Lucifer felt fear for the first time he could ever remember. Her once beautiful eyes were red, flames dancing in the depths. Her skin was turning bronze and her hair was morphing to the beauty of molten gold. Power emanated from her very pores.

The door burst open and Momma Fred once again stomped in. Lisa turned and stared, confusion darkening her expression.

“Girl, you are screwing with something that you don’t understand. You need to sit down and listen for a minute before you get us all killed.” 
Momma Fred’s voice was soft and smooth as silk. She controlled her anger and fear with an iron hand, allowing nothing to be betrayed in her tone.

“You should listen to her.” Lucifer finally said. “We are all in over our heads now, thanks to you.”

He couldn’t keep shut. He realized he’d be better off if he had, but he just couldn’t help himself. Momma Fred glared at him, and Lisa looked at them both like they were misbehaving pets that had piddled on the floor.

“You low down, sneaking, piece of shit!” Momma Fred screamed as she advanced on Lucifer. “You kidnap her and keep her locked up for days. None of us knew where she was or how she was, other than Death knowing she was still alive. Worry us back into our graves.”

Momma’s voice had faded away, the strength seeming to leave as she remember the last days, worried about Lisa and wondering how badly things were going to be screwed up if and when they ever found her. She had never thought Lucifer would be behind the whole thing.

Lisa had stood silently, soaking in every word Momma Fred said. It was difficult to believe that she had been missing for days, it only seemed like a few hours. And Lucifer kidnapping her? She remembered getting into the elevator and the doors opening to reveal a very naked, very sexy man standing there, then…….nothing until she woke up earlier today.

Maybe she had been kidnapped. Maybe he had drugged her. Who the hell knew what had happened, she hadn’t even realized she had been missing that long. How long?

“Wait, you mean I’ve been gone for days?” Lisa’s voice was incredulous. She knew Momma Fred had to be mistaken. She hadn’t lost that much time. “How many days?”

Silence reigned. Lucifer and Momma Fred looked at one another, silently daring the other to break the silence that deafened them all.

“Well?” Lisa’s question was left hanging in the air, a threat that no one dared to accept.

Disgusted, she turned and walked from the room. If neither of them were going to explain, she would find Death, she knew he would at least tell her how long she’d been gone. Besides, he was kind of cute and right now she needed cute.

Momma Fred punched Lucifer on the arm, it was so unexpected that he actually flinched. It was almost impossible to cause him pain, but being startled or surprised was becoming a habit. A habit he did not appreciate.

“What the…..”, burst from his lips before he could stop himself. “Why did you do that? I’m getting damn sick of people pushing me around. I am not going to allow”

“Oh shut the fuck up!” Momma Fred swung again, this one falling short of the sculptured chin she had been aiming for. “This is all your fault! If you hadn’t of lined up that damn interview to lure her here. Dammit!! Things are so screwed up!”

“My fault?” Lucifer shouted. “I’m not the one that gave her that damnable sandwich and jump started her heart! That was you!! You brought her back to life twice now, isn’t that enough? Do you have to be tossing the blame at everyone else too?”

Pacing back and forth in front of his desk, Lucifer began muttering, his voice soft and dangerous. Momma Fred couldn’t make out exactly what he was saying, but she believed she heard her name followed by the words ‘stupid bitch’ once or twice. Her own anger began to build, although worry and fear for Lisa overshadowed it.

“We need to stop this. She needs us now, regardless of whose fault anything is.” Momma Fred flopped down into the nearest chair. “We can have our cat fight later. Right now we need”

“To figure out what the fuck to do?” Lucifer finished the question, knowing that Fred would be angry about it, but so what. “Yeah, you’re right. We do need to figure out what to do and how to do it. We don’t have time for this bullshit between us.”

Taking his seat behind the large oak desk, Lucifer popped his elbows on the desktop and cradled his head in his palms. Things were spinning out of control and he had no idea how to slow it down. And he didn’t have faith in Momma Fred having any clue, but hey, miracles happened every day.

Raising his eyes to look at her, he felt his believe in miracles wither and die. Heaving a sigh, he listened as Momma Fred began to lay out her plan to stop the apocalypse.

Stay tuned for another installment of the Nearly Departed!! 

One Pissed Off Momma

Well, people have been complaining that I'm taking too long to post new installments of my story, Nearly Departed.  So, I worked today and got y'all a new one ready.  Hopefully this will keep you little Deviants satisfied until I can work up more mischief for Lisa and her cohorts!!
Enjoy!!

Lisa stretched and yawned. She hadn’t slept so soundly since she died. Awareness came slowly, the first thing that she noticed was the heavy silk comforter. It encased her like a lover’s embrace, warm and sinful.

She flew out of the bed as though she had been shot from a cannon. Stumbling to find her balance, she realized she was standing buck naked in the middle of a warm, deeply masculine bedroom. Jumping back onto the bed, she pulled the sinfully delicious silk around her naked body. Eyes darting everywhere at once, she searched for what was left of her once beautiful outfit.

Searching her memory to find some clue of how she ended up alone and naked under the thick silk comforter, Lisa had brief flashes of smooth brown skin, naked flesh and elevator music that thundered her doom. Shaking her head, she pondered the strange roads her life had taken since the horrible bus accident that took her life.

She was so lost in thought that she failed to notice the heavy oak door opening. Staring off into space she didn’t realize that Lucifer himself was standing beside the bed, looking down at her in the most appreciative manner. Only when he cleared his throat did she realize she was no longer alone.

Gripping the silk tighter, she stared at him with wide, startled eyes. Although she was frightened, she couldn’t help raking her eyes over his long, lean frame. For the “big bad” this man was definitely put together well. Her eyes lingered on the highs and lows of his form before finally venturing to his face. She was shocked to find that he was actually blushing.

“Didn’t you see enough last night?” A hint of anger tempered the embarrassment that overflowed from his deep, sexy voice. Perhaps he wasn’t as tough as everyone thought he was.

“Last night must not have been all that, I sure don’t remember much.” A sly grin twisted her full lips, “I’m actually disappointed. I figured it would be unforgettable.”

Shaking her head, Lisa allowed the comforter to slide a few inches. The top of her full rounded breast peeked out at him like shy kittens. She knew she was playing a dangerous game, but being broke, jobless and dead had a way of changing a girl’s outlook on things.

The dark stain spread across Lucifer’s face and down his neck as he averted his eyes. Although Lisa was one hot little dead girl, he couldn’t afford to stray from his course. He had things to accomplish, and she was an important part of his plan. If he dallied with her now it could ruin the outcome he had struggled to obtain for centuries.

Slamming open the closet, he reached in and grabbed a woman’s Armani suit and tossed it on the bed.
“Get some clothes on, we have things to do.” His voice was deep and gruff with suppressed emotion. Turning on his heel, he stormed out of the bedroom in a flurry of lust and denial.

‘Dammit! Just when I decide to be reckless he decides to be a pussy. Who would have thunk it??’

Stretching like a cat, she fingered the seams of the delectable suit. No sensible woman would wear this suit without underclothes, not even a dead one. Deciding to stay put until she had some, Lisa stretched again and laid back down, a contented smile playing across her lips.

Almost an hour had passed before the bedroom door slammed open yet again. Lucifer stormed in, his eyes flashing with anger, the lust driven flush to his skin replaced by an even darker flush of anger.

“I said get dressed!!” His voice bounced and echoed against the walls. “I meant today, not next week. Now get up!”

He reached out and snatched the comforter from the bed, revealing Lisa in all of her naked glory. She knew she should try and cover herself, but the heat that had coursed through her body last night returned with a vengeance.

Her shyness evaporated with the unfamiliar heat. Looking him in the eye, she stretched, arching her back to display her assets boldly.

“Like what you see?” She asked breathlessly.

Lucifer’s eyes flashed red, heat emanated from him in waves. Clenching his teeth, he stared her straight in the face and asked, “Why aren’t you dressed?”

Disappointment flooded through Lisa. Never before had she been so brazen with anyone. She had always been shy and reserved when it came to her body, and no that she had decided to exhibit her naked flesh the man she had chosen couldn’t care less. What the hell??

Jumping from the bed, she stood before him in all of her naked glory. He looked amused as his eyes skimmed over her, pausing at the more interesting of places. A satisfied grin played across his face, as the tip of his tongue darted across his bottom lip. He would like nothing more than to play out this scenario, but it would serve his ultimate purpose even if it would be entertaining.

“I’m not dressed because I have no underwear!” Her voice was brittle with rejection and anger. “AND I don’t want to wear someone else’s clothes!”

Laughter bubbled from Lucifer’s lips. Soon his entire being was shaking and tear sprang to his eyes. The only reason she would react this way was that she thought the suit belonged to someone else. He hadn’t told her that he had purchased it especially for her. But of course, she didn’t realize that she had been here, recovering from whatever mischief Momma Fred had done to her, for over a week now. The mere thought of her naked in his bed had been enough to drive him insane the last few days, perhaps that explained the uncontrollable laughter.

The laughter died as he realized he could do nothing to take advantage of the situation. His desire for this woman was overwhelming, yet if he gave in to the temptation he would ruin centuries of planning.

“I had the suit made especially for you, as for under clothes, they are in the drawers. This is your room for the time being, everything you need is here for you, so make use of it.” Giving her naked body one last lingering glance, he smiled. “Although I am thoroughly enjoying the show, we do have things to do.”

Lisa was mortified. She had all but thrown herself at him and he didn’t even bother trying anything. Stomping her foot, she clenched her fist and screamed.

‘What was wrong with him? What was wrong with her?’ Her mind circled with more questions as she slammed open drawers in search of underclothing. Getting dressed in record time, she was still seething as she jerked open the door and stomped out into the hallway.

There was no way she was going to allow this creature to get the best of her, she would stand up to whatever he threw her way. Of course, she had no idea what all of this was about, but as she stomped down the hallway she set her mind to finding out.

As the heavy oak door slammed against the wall, Lucifer jumped. Then he cursed. He hated to be startled, whenever someone startled him it only served to remind him that he wasn’t the omnipotent being that everyone believed he was. If anyone else found out that particular bit of juicy knowledge there would be literal hell to pay.

Rage transformed his face into a mask of pure evil as he turned to face the intruder. The rage melted away only to be replaced with overwhelming lust as his eyes lit upon the most beautiful creature in all of creation. Lisa stood as still as a statue, her large eyes round with fear, her lips compressed in a thin, tight line.

Clearing his throat, Lucifer took a deep calming breath. Years of conversing with the great yogis of the world had taught him how to overcome fear and anxiety, although he had yet to learn how to overcome the emotions that played through his dark soul at this very second. Another calming breath and he was ready to deal with the little she devil that threatened everything he had ever worked for.

“Took you long enough!”

Lisa immediately puffed up like a turkey. Anger flashed in her ever changing eyes and a dangerous red creeped up her neck to color her pale skin a molted blush. Her eyes squinted in that adorable way they had of doing when she was upset.
“No, actually it didn’t take long enough! If I knew I was going to have to deal with an asshole I would have put on a decontamination suit instead of Armani!” Her voice was sharp as a knife and the remark was delivered with the striking speed of a venomous snake.

Once again Lucifer found himself unable to control the laughter that bubbled up from deep in his black soul. Even if she was screwing up his plan, it was worth it simply for the sharp humor she possessed.

Of course, his laughter made her anger burn all the hotter.

“What is so fucking funny?” She demanded, stomping her dainty foot for emphasis. “First you knock me out somehow, then you strip me down and do who knows what to me only to leave me alone in a locked room. And now you are screaming like a lunatic at me. Seriously. What. IS. Your. Problem?”

The laughter died and the anger faded as they locked eyes. Every sound, every movement, stood frozen in time as they both realized that the anger was nothing less than a cover for the unexpected and unwelcome emotions that were struggling to take root within them both. Taking a step forward, Lisa placed the palm of her hand flat on his chest, tilting her head upward, she licked her lips, the tip of her tongue causing his to….
Jump back like a startled cat when the door burst open again and in stalked the infamous Momma Fred, complete with her multicolor scarfs and jingling beads. Her head was encased in a bright yellow head wrap that fought, unsuccessfully, to contain her outrageous hair.

“What in the seven hells is going on here?” She bellowed. “Have you two lost your ever living minds? Gods protect us, get away from each other!”

Grabbing Lisa’s arm in a less than gentle manner, Momma Fred yanked her back and flipped her on the nose as though she were a misbehaving puppy.

“You”, she screamed at Lucifer, “you should know better! Do you realize what could happen? Do you want this all to be for nothing?
”
Lucifer was stunned. Before today no one had ever bad mouthed him, let alone berated him. Then in one day a beautiful ghoul and a Voodoo Priestess both shouted him down as though he were a misbehaving school boy.

He steeled himself for battle, only to face the most dangerous of all creatures.

One Pissed Off Momma!

Stay tuned for more of the adventure of Lucifer and Lisa.  Who knows what trouble they are going to get into!!!

The Hot and the Dead

IT’S BEEN A WHILE, BUT HERE IT IS……A NEW INSTALLMENT OF NEARLY DEAD!!

ENJOY!

“Get the fuck up, we don’t have all day!”  Ms. Poorbitch’s voice reminded her of a rust hinge, raw and painful to hear.  “I don’t suppose Lucy told you what is going on here, did he?”

The look on Lisa’s face spoke volumes, she had less idea what was going on now than she did when she entered the building, now she felt as though her sanity had left with Elvis.

“Okay, I guess we begin at the beginning, but you’ve got to get your ass off that floor.  It’s distracting.”  Ms. Poorbitch had been shuffling things in a large black leather bag that Lisa took for a purse.  Without missing a beat Ms. Poorbitch dumped the contents on the desk, reached for the crinkled pack of cigarettes and promptly stuck one in her mouth and lit it. “Get up damn it.  You may have time for this, but I most definitely do not. “

“Like I give a shit.”  Lisa muttered as she climbed to her feet.  Dusting what she hoped was grit from her once beautiful black skirt, Lisa considered simply leaving and forgetting this whole episode.  But the rent was due and, although living forever had its perks, not many people would hire a not quite dead girl.  Which is what prompted this visit to the silly old slug who sat glaring at her right this second.  The equal rights of the not quite dead.  Lisa cleared her throat.

“Ms. Poorbitch.  When I came here today it was under the pretext of discussing an interview concerning the rights of the not quite dead, NOT to be talked down to, hypnotized, flung into the center of some crazy relationship between you and Lucifer OR to end up on the floor getting my outfit ruined by, by, well, whatever the fuck this shit is.”  Lisa’s attempt at keeping her cool, professional calm evaporated as her hand skimmed across a particularly sticky spot of goo.  “What the hell is wrong with you people?”

Ms. Poorbitch through back her head and the most beautiful laugh erupted from her pale, cracked lips.  Lisa was stunned as the big woman lost herself completely to the laughter.  Just when Lisa thought she had gotten a hold of herself, Ms. Poorbitch began again, rolling, hysterical belly laughter issued forth from her bloated, sickly body.

Shaking her head, Lisa turned and left the office, hysterical, rolling laughter followed her all the way to the elevator.

Entering the dreaded silver box, Lisa pushed the button for the ground floor expecting a leisurely ride to the lobby followed by the long walk back to her apartment.  Maybe Momma Fred would have some work for her, if not she would be joining the thousands of homeless, all of whom were nearly dead in one way or another.  

Guitars screeched from the hidden speakers, a scratchy voice screamed “It’s stupid, contagious, to be broke and famous”.  Lisa wondered if the elevator was enchanted to play songs with lyrics that applied to the passengers’ particular mood.  The voice suddenly changed, although the basic sound was the same.  Words about life caving in and collapsing around you blared from all around her. 

‘Depression in a box’, she thought as the elevator slowed to a stop.  ‘Finally.’

As the doors silently slide open, Lisa’s mouth flew open in surprise.  Standing before her was Lucifer in all his glory, naked as the day he was created.  Flawless bronze skin stretched over long, lean muscle created a landscape a woman could lose herself in.  A dusting of fine dark hair led to....

“Don’t you know how to knock?”  Lucifer’s voice was hard with emotion. 

Looking down, Lisa realized his voice wasn’t the only thing hard.

Lisa turned and stepped back into the elevator, her face scarlet, which was a trick considering the fact that her blood had stopped pumping years ago.  Jabbing the elevator buttons with fury and embarrassment, Lisa couldn’t help imagining herself pressed up against Lucifer’s hard body.

“STOP!”  Lucifer’s voice thundered, halting the elevator doors before they could close.  “Come here.”

Lisa shook her head, not daring to turn to face him. 

“Nope.  I’m done”, was all she said.

All resistance fled as a hand closed over her forearm.  Heat flooded her body, even her corpse cold toes felt warm.  Moisture pooled in places that hadn’t been damp in years.

‘Maybe this isn’t so bad’, she thought.  ‘I haven’t been warm in….”

Darkness closed in and Lisa crumpled to the floor.